Twenty Dollars
A well known speaker started off his seminar by holding up a $20 bill.
In the room of 200, he asked. "Who would like this $20 bill?"
Hands started going up. He said,
"I am going to give this $20 to one of you -
but first, let me do this."
He proceeded to crumple the 20 dollar note up. He then asked.
"Who still wants it?" Still the hands were up in the air.
"Well," he replied, "what if I do this?" He dropped it on the ground
and started to grind it into the floor with his shoe.
He picked it up, now crumpled and dirty.
"Now, who still wants it?"
Still the hands went into the air.
"My friends, you have all learned a very valuable lesson.
No matter what I did to the money,
you still wanted it because
it did not decrease in value.
It was still worth $20.
Many times in our lives, we are dropped, crumpled,
and ground into the dirt by the decisions
we make and the circumstances that come our way.
We feel as though we are worthless;
but no matter what happened
or what will happen,
you will never lose your value.
Dirty or clean, crumpled or finely creased,
you are still priceless to those who love you.
The worth of our lives comes,
not in what we do or who we know,
but by ...WHO WE ARE.
You are special - don't ever forget it."
Monday, March 13, 2006
hey hi... was cudnot update my blog for many many days..anyways got a good info thaught i would share it wth u all...
Puncture service (24 x 7) / 98457 - 64439
Most of us commute to & fro to office
& especially for the ones who use their own
transportation this is one big reason for you to smile.
An agency who are providing puncture or repair service
round the clock (24 *7 ) anywhere within
50 kms radius of Bangalore.
You just need to give them a call and they
will land at the place where your vehicle has
broken down to repair or whatever the case maybe.
Just tell them your address
and the problem of your vehicle.
So for the ones in night shifts here is a big relief.
Charges : Service charge + 35 additional anywhere
in Bangalore city.(50 kms) Call in : 98457 -64439
Puncture service (24 x 7) / 98457 - 64439
Most of us commute to & fro to office
& especially for the ones who use their own
transportation this is one big reason for you to smile.
An agency who are providing puncture or repair service
round the clock (24 *7 ) anywhere within
50 kms radius of Bangalore.
You just need to give them a call and they
will land at the place where your vehicle has
broken down to repair or whatever the case maybe.
Just tell them your address
and the problem of your vehicle.
So for the ones in night shifts here is a big relief.
Charges : Service charge + 35 additional anywhere
in Bangalore city.(50 kms) Call in : 98457 -64439
Tuesday, February 07, 2006
Tuesday, January 31, 2006
Impact on Change of a Job
A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the
shoulder to ask him a question.The driver screamed,
lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus,
went up on the footpath, and stopped centimeters
from a shop window.
For a second everything went quiet in the cab,
then the driver said:
"Look mate, don't ever do that again.
You scared the daylights out of me!
" The passenger apologized and said,
"I didn't realize that a little tap
would scare you so much.
The driver replied,
"Sorry, it's not really your fault.
Today is my first day as a cab driver -
I've been driving a van carrying
dead bodies for the last 25 years."
shoulder to ask him a question.The driver screamed,
lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus,
went up on the footpath, and stopped centimeters
from a shop window.
For a second everything went quiet in the cab,
then the driver said:
"Look mate, don't ever do that again.
You scared the daylights out of me!
" The passenger apologized and said,
"I didn't realize that a little tap
would scare you so much.
The driver replied,
"Sorry, it's not really your fault.
Today is my first day as a cab driver -
I've been driving a van carrying
dead bodies for the last 25 years."
Must Read
An old man, staying in a small south Indian town
came to visit his son in Bombay recently.
The son in his early thirties is a successful
businessman living with his wife and son.
The father, having spent most of his life
at his birthplace, hardlyunderstands a
splatter of Hindi or English, forget Marathi.
But hedoesn't care. 'I have come here to spend
a few days with my son and his family.
I don't have to go out and
socialize with the city people,' he said.
But the son is very excited about
his father's rare visit to Bombay.
He wants to make the best of it.
He and his wife want to
show him around the city.
And yes, the son enjoys those evening hours too,
when he and his father go out
and sitin a good bar, sipping
their favourite drink.
Face off
Last week he was in a very good mood.
'Let's go to a five star hotel's bar tonight,' he told his father.
It was a beautiful evening.Talking about everything!
under the sun they had a few drinks.
As usual they were offered some salad,
peanuts, wafers etc .as accompaniments with their drinks.
The old man being almost toothless was not much
interested in eating. But that day when they got up to leave,
he simply took a handful of chana (roasted grams)
and stuffed it in the fold of his dhoti.
He might have thought about
munching on them, sitting in the car, or whatever.
Unfortunately while walking in the lobby,
he missed a step and stumbled.
Down he went, scattering the chana on the plush carpet.
No problem .Now try to visualize that scenario.
Someone else in his son's place would have been
mortified, embarrassed to death. He might
have cursed not his father but his own s
elf for causing this awkward situation.
'Never again will I take my old
man to such hotels',
he would have vowed.
No sir, not this son. Gently, with a smile,
he helped his father get back on his feet. Instead !
of feeling irritated or angry, he was amused.
He found the whole incident very funny.
Laughing, they both went home and on
the way they decided to return to the
same place the following Sunday.
The old man liked the place.
Liked the chana too.
A son rises A few days back, at a friend's place
they both described this event
and made everybody laugh.
Weren't you embarrassed? Somebody asked the son.
'Oh, come on now' replied the son.
'He is my father. He talks in his native language,
prefers to wear a dhoti even to a posh city hotel, takes chana from
the bar to eat later, does whatever he feels like....
So what? Why should I feel embarrassed with
his nature and habits? Nobody has a
right to stop him from doing whatever
he feels comfortable with, as
long as it is not harmful to others.'
The son doesn't care what the staff
in the hotel thought about that incident.
He says 'they should be concerned
only with their bills an! d tips.
I am concerned about my father's happiness.'
The wife too totally agrees with the husband on this issue.
She feels there are enough other
qualities in her father- in- law to feel proud of.
Accept them .The above incident is not mentioned just to show the love
and devotion of a son for his father. More than love it is a matter of
understanding and a healthy respect for the other person's lifestyle.
A seventy plus old man doesn't want to change his lifestyle now. He
likes the way he eats or dresses or talks. In his eyes there is
nothing wrong with the old ways of living. And the son says, ok, fine.
Every body has a right to live as per his wish. Now at his age, why
should he be forced to learn to eat with a fork and knife, if he
doesn't want to? I will feel bad if he is doing something morally
wrong or indulging in some harmful activities. But otherwise it is
fine. I am not going to try to change him at this stage. He is my
f! ather. I love him, respect him.
Hey folks, can you think this way?
So many times we see people getting embarrassed by the so called
unsophisticated behaviour of their family members. They keep on
apologizing about their lack of class and manners or about their
drawbacks to outsiders. My wife can't speak proper English; she
doesn't know what's happening in the world, so I avoid taking her out
or introducing her to my friends and business associates...
My parents can't eat with a spoon and fork, so I don't take them to
restaurants.... My husband is working as an ordinary clerk, so I feel
awkward when I introduce him to my rich friends. My brother is
mentally challenged, so I don't feel like going out with him...
Are you plagued with such thoughts or do you meet such people who think
alike?
If you do, please ask yourself. Why do others or I feel this way?
Really what is there to feel ashamed of? Most of the people alwayshave this fear of other peoples' opinions and comments. What would
others say?
They think and try to alter their own way of living.
Sometimes unnecessarily. What is worse is they try to change their own
people too. And when they can't, they are ashamed, angry. And
apologetic to outsiders.
In fact, these are the people who have no respect for others and no
confidence in oneself. They try to copy others, try to be what they
are not, and constantly ask for outsiders' approval for their
behaviour. They don't care about the feelings of their family members
when they avoid or belittle them.
They don't think how happy his or her family member would feel if
he/she gets an opportunity to go to some swanky restaurant or a fun-
filled party. Your wife, mother, father, little sister, and old
aunt...all those people depending on you for their happiness. If you
don't fulfill their desires, who will?
They are what they are. We! are what we are. We don't have to change
ourselves to please strangers. And if you do, you are in for life long
misery.
In that case you would never dare taking your dhoti clad relative to a
five star hotel. And your father would never sit amongst your friends
and laugh his heart out over some funny incident.
An Excellent Moral
came to visit his son in Bombay recently.
The son in his early thirties is a successful
businessman living with his wife and son.
The father, having spent most of his life
at his birthplace, hardlyunderstands a
splatter of Hindi or English, forget Marathi.
But hedoesn't care. 'I have come here to spend
a few days with my son and his family.
I don't have to go out and
socialize with the city people,' he said.
But the son is very excited about
his father's rare visit to Bombay.
He wants to make the best of it.
He and his wife want to
show him around the city.
And yes, the son enjoys those evening hours too,
when he and his father go out
and sitin a good bar, sipping
their favourite drink.
Face off
Last week he was in a very good mood.
'Let's go to a five star hotel's bar tonight,' he told his father.
It was a beautiful evening.Talking about everything!
under the sun they had a few drinks.
As usual they were offered some salad,
peanuts, wafers etc .as accompaniments with their drinks.
The old man being almost toothless was not much
interested in eating. But that day when they got up to leave,
he simply took a handful of chana (roasted grams)
and stuffed it in the fold of his dhoti.
He might have thought about
munching on them, sitting in the car, or whatever.
Unfortunately while walking in the lobby,
he missed a step and stumbled.
Down he went, scattering the chana on the plush carpet.
No problem .Now try to visualize that scenario.
Someone else in his son's place would have been
mortified, embarrassed to death. He might
have cursed not his father but his own s
elf for causing this awkward situation.
'Never again will I take my old
man to such hotels',
he would have vowed.
No sir, not this son. Gently, with a smile,
he helped his father get back on his feet. Instead !
of feeling irritated or angry, he was amused.
He found the whole incident very funny.
Laughing, they both went home and on
the way they decided to return to the
same place the following Sunday.
The old man liked the place.
Liked the chana too.
A son rises A few days back, at a friend's place
they both described this event
and made everybody laugh.
Weren't you embarrassed? Somebody asked the son.
'Oh, come on now' replied the son.
'He is my father. He talks in his native language,
prefers to wear a dhoti even to a posh city hotel, takes chana from
the bar to eat later, does whatever he feels like....
So what? Why should I feel embarrassed with
his nature and habits? Nobody has a
right to stop him from doing whatever
he feels comfortable with, as
long as it is not harmful to others.'
The son doesn't care what the staff
in the hotel thought about that incident.
He says 'they should be concerned
only with their bills an! d tips.
I am concerned about my father's happiness.'
The wife too totally agrees with the husband on this issue.
She feels there are enough other
qualities in her father- in- law to feel proud of.
Accept them .The above incident is not mentioned just to show the love
and devotion of a son for his father. More than love it is a matter of
understanding and a healthy respect for the other person's lifestyle.
A seventy plus old man doesn't want to change his lifestyle now. He
likes the way he eats or dresses or talks. In his eyes there is
nothing wrong with the old ways of living. And the son says, ok, fine.
Every body has a right to live as per his wish. Now at his age, why
should he be forced to learn to eat with a fork and knife, if he
doesn't want to? I will feel bad if he is doing something morally
wrong or indulging in some harmful activities. But otherwise it is
fine. I am not going to try to change him at this stage. He is my
f! ather. I love him, respect him.
Hey folks, can you think this way?
So many times we see people getting embarrassed by the so called
unsophisticated behaviour of their family members. They keep on
apologizing about their lack of class and manners or about their
drawbacks to outsiders. My wife can't speak proper English; she
doesn't know what's happening in the world, so I avoid taking her out
or introducing her to my friends and business associates...
My parents can't eat with a spoon and fork, so I don't take them to
restaurants.... My husband is working as an ordinary clerk, so I feel
awkward when I introduce him to my rich friends. My brother is
mentally challenged, so I don't feel like going out with him...
Are you plagued with such thoughts or do you meet such people who think
alike?
If you do, please ask yourself. Why do others or I feel this way?
Really what is there to feel ashamed of? Most of the people alwayshave this fear of other peoples' opinions and comments. What would
others say?
They think and try to alter their own way of living.
Sometimes unnecessarily. What is worse is they try to change their own
people too. And when they can't, they are ashamed, angry. And
apologetic to outsiders.
In fact, these are the people who have no respect for others and no
confidence in oneself. They try to copy others, try to be what they
are not, and constantly ask for outsiders' approval for their
behaviour. They don't care about the feelings of their family members
when they avoid or belittle them.
They don't think how happy his or her family member would feel if
he/she gets an opportunity to go to some swanky restaurant or a fun-
filled party. Your wife, mother, father, little sister, and old
aunt...all those people depending on you for their happiness. If you
don't fulfill their desires, who will?
They are what they are. We! are what we are. We don't have to change
ourselves to please strangers. And if you do, you are in for life long
misery.
In that case you would never dare taking your dhoti clad relative to a
five star hotel. And your father would never sit amongst your friends
and laugh his heart out over some funny incident.
An Excellent Moral
Wednesday, January 25, 2006
Moral - Good One...
An old man lived alone in Baramati.
He wanted to spade his potato garden,
but it was very hard work.
His only son, who would have helped him,
was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son
and mentioned his situation:
Dear Son, I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like
I won't be able to plant my potato garden this year.
I hate to miss doing the garden, because your mother
always loved planting time. I'm just getting too old to be
digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles
would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me,
if you weren't in prison.
Love, Dad
Shortly, the old man received this telegram:
"For Heaven's sake, Dad, don't dig up the garden!!
That's where I buried the GUNS!!" At 4 a.m.
the next morning, a dozen CBI agents and local
police officers showed up and dug up the entire garden
without finding any guns. Confused, the old man wrote a
nother note to his son telling him what happened,
and asked him what to do next.
His son's reply was:
"Go ahead and plant your potatoes, Dad.
It's the best I could do for you from here."
Moral: No Matter Where You Are In The World,
If You Have Decided To Do Something Deep
From Your Heart You Can Do It.
It Is The Thought That Matters Not
Where You Are Or Where The Person Is.
He wanted to spade his potato garden,
but it was very hard work.
His only son, who would have helped him,
was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son
and mentioned his situation:
Dear Son, I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like
I won't be able to plant my potato garden this year.
I hate to miss doing the garden, because your mother
always loved planting time. I'm just getting too old to be
digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles
would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me,
if you weren't in prison.
Love, Dad
Shortly, the old man received this telegram:
"For Heaven's sake, Dad, don't dig up the garden!!
That's where I buried the GUNS!!" At 4 a.m.
the next morning, a dozen CBI agents and local
police officers showed up and dug up the entire garden
without finding any guns. Confused, the old man wrote a
nother note to his son telling him what happened,
and asked him what to do next.
His son's reply was:
"Go ahead and plant your potatoes, Dad.
It's the best I could do for you from here."
Moral: No Matter Where You Are In The World,
If You Have Decided To Do Something Deep
From Your Heart You Can Do It.
It Is The Thought That Matters Not
Where You Are Or Where The Person Is.
Cherish Every Moment Of Your Life
I've been sitting around this life for years,
Not enough laughs and too many tears.
Trying to figure out where it all went,
These wasted years that I have spent.
Searching for something to go beyond,
Life's a stone skipping across a pond.
At the last skip, it hits with a splash,
Down the stone sinks, gone in a flash.
Pushing and pulling, it's tearing apart,
Poking and prodding an underused heart.
This dark velvet curtain that hides my soul,
Living this life has taken it's toll.
In a flash of bright light, the curtain is torn,
Tumbling down all tattered and worn.
Revealing new life, a child within,
Born free of hate, of suffering and sin.
Now my eyes see what has never been told,
Striving forth happy, confident and bold.
Into a world that's unfamiliar but friendly,
Into this new life my spirit will send me.
Living and laughing, loving it all,
I stood myself up and answered the call.
The darkness has gone, replaced by the light,
I gave up the darkness with hardly a fight.
I've been sitting around this life for years,
With laughter aplenty and hardly a tear.
Now I can see just where it all went,
Cherish every moment of this new life I've spent.
Not enough laughs and too many tears.
Trying to figure out where it all went,
These wasted years that I have spent.
Searching for something to go beyond,
Life's a stone skipping across a pond.
At the last skip, it hits with a splash,
Down the stone sinks, gone in a flash.
Pushing and pulling, it's tearing apart,
Poking and prodding an underused heart.
This dark velvet curtain that hides my soul,
Living this life has taken it's toll.
In a flash of bright light, the curtain is torn,
Tumbling down all tattered and worn.
Revealing new life, a child within,
Born free of hate, of suffering and sin.
Now my eyes see what has never been told,
Striving forth happy, confident and bold.
Into a world that's unfamiliar but friendly,
Into this new life my spirit will send me.
Living and laughing, loving it all,
I stood myself up and answered the call.
The darkness has gone, replaced by the light,
I gave up the darkness with hardly a fight.
I've been sitting around this life for years,
With laughter aplenty and hardly a tear.
Now I can see just where it all went,
Cherish every moment of this new life I've spent.
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
Effective Communication
Jack and Max are walking from religious service.
Jack wonders whether it would be
all right to smoke while praying.
Max replies, "Why don't you ask the Priest?"
So Jack goes up to the Priest and asks,
"Priest, may I smoke while I pray?"
But the Priest says, "No, my son, you may not.
That's utter disrespect to our religion."
Jack goes back to his friend and
tells him what the good Priest told him.
Max says, "I'm not surprised.
You asked the wrong question.
Let me try."
And so Max goes up to the Priest and asks,
"Priest, may I pray while I smoke?"
To which the Priest eagerly replies,
"By all means, my son.
Moral: The reply you get depends
on the question you ask.
For Example: Can I work on this
project while I'm on leave?
Jack wonders whether it would be
all right to smoke while praying.
Max replies, "Why don't you ask the Priest?"
So Jack goes up to the Priest and asks,
"Priest, may I smoke while I pray?"
But the Priest says, "No, my son, you may not.
That's utter disrespect to our religion."
Jack goes back to his friend and
tells him what the good Priest told him.
Max says, "I'm not surprised.
You asked the wrong question.
Let me try."
And so Max goes up to the Priest and asks,
"Priest, may I pray while I smoke?"
To which the Priest eagerly replies,
"By all means, my son.
Moral: The reply you get depends
on the question you ask.
For Example: Can I work on this
project while I'm on leave?
Internationally acclaimed BEST JOKE!
This particular joke won an award for the best joke
in a competition organized in Britain and this joke
was sent by an Indian Engineer......
An MBA and an Engineer go on a camping trip,
set up their tent, and fall asleep.
Some hours later,
the Engineer wakes his MBA friend.
"Look up at the sky and tell me what you see?"
The MBA replies, "I see millions of stars."
The Engineer asks "What does that tell you?"
The MBA ponders for a minute:
"Astronomically speaking, it tells
me that there are millions of galaxies and
potentially billions of planets.
Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo.
Time wise, it appears to be approximately
a quarter past three.
Theologically, it's evident the Lord is
all-powerful and we are small and insignificant.
Meteorologically, it seems we will
have a beautiful day tomorrow.
What does it tell you?"
.
.
.
.
.
The Engineer friend is silent for a
moment, and then speaks.
"Practically...Someone has stolen our tent".
in a competition organized in Britain and this joke
was sent by an Indian Engineer......
An MBA and an Engineer go on a camping trip,
set up their tent, and fall asleep.
Some hours later,
the Engineer wakes his MBA friend.
"Look up at the sky and tell me what you see?"
The MBA replies, "I see millions of stars."
The Engineer asks "What does that tell you?"
The MBA ponders for a minute:
"Astronomically speaking, it tells
me that there are millions of galaxies and
potentially billions of planets.
Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo.
Time wise, it appears to be approximately
a quarter past three.
Theologically, it's evident the Lord is
all-powerful and we are small and insignificant.
Meteorologically, it seems we will
have a beautiful day tomorrow.
What does it tell you?"
.
.
.
.
.
The Engineer friend is silent for a
moment, and then speaks.
"Practically...Someone has stolen our tent".
Happy Dad
Everyone in the wedding ceremony was
watching the radiant bride as her
father escorted her down the aisle to give away to groom.
They reached the altar and the waiting groom,
the bride kissed her
father and placed something in his hand.
Everyone in the room was wondering
what was given tothe father by bride.
The father could feel the suspense in
the air and all eyes were on him
to divulge the secret and say something.
So he announced
"Ladies and Gentlemen today
is the luckiest day of my life."
Then he raises his hands with
what his daughter gave him and continued,
"My daughter
.
.
.
.
.
.
finally returned my credit card to me."
The whole audience including priest
started laughing except the poor groom.
watching the radiant bride as her
father escorted her down the aisle to give away to groom.
They reached the altar and the waiting groom,
the bride kissed her
father and placed something in his hand.
Everyone in the room was wondering
what was given tothe father by bride.
The father could feel the suspense in
the air and all eyes were on him
to divulge the secret and say something.
So he announced
"Ladies and Gentlemen today
is the luckiest day of my life."
Then he raises his hands with
what his daughter gave him and continued,
"My daughter
.
.
.
.
.
.
finally returned my credit card to me."
The whole audience including priest
started laughing except the poor groom.
Enjoy..
Tumko dekha....tumko dekha...
Tumko dekha....to yeh khayal aaya
paaglon ke stock mein naya maal aaya!
=====================================
Idhar khuda hai, udar khuda hai,
jidar dekho udar khuda hai,
idhar-udhar bus khuda hi khuda hai
jidhar nahi khuda hai....udhar kal khudega!
======================================
The night is dark, the moon is high,
I stop my car, u ask why?
I come close to u, u feel shy,
I tell u those three magical words....
Hye La, Puncture!!!
======================================
Tumsa koi dusara jameen par hua
to rab se shikayat hogi....
Ek to jehlla nahi jata
doosra aa gaya to kya halat hogi!!!
======================================
Koi pathar se na maare mere dewaane ko........
koi pathar se na maare mere dewaane ko........
koi pathar se na maare mere dewaane ko........
abe aage bhi to bol...............
nuclear power ka jamaana hai, bomb se udaa do saale ko...................
======================================
tuhaar chehraa moti samaan ..
tuhaar chehraa moti samaan...
moti hamaar kutte ka naam!!
===========================================================
Durakht ke paymane pe chilman E husn ka furkat se sharmana...
Durakht ke paymane pe chilman E husn ka furkat se sharmana...
Ye line samajh me aaye to mujhe zaroor batana!!
===========================================================
tere dar pe sanam hazar baar aayenge,
tere dar pe sanam hazar baar aayenge.....
ghanti bajayenge aur bhaag jayenge !!
===========================================================
Jis waqt khuda ne tumhe banaya hoga, ek saroor sa uske
dil pe chaya hoga...pehle socha hoga tujhe jannat mein
rakh lun..phir usse zoo ka khayal aaya hoga!!!
===========================================================
Mere marne ke baad mere doston,
yu aansoo na bahana,
Agar meri yaad aaye to,
sidhe upar chale aana!!
===========================================================
Kyon apni kabar khud-hi khod raha hai Galib...
Kyon apni kabar khud-hi khod raha hai Galib...
La, phawda mujhe de!!
===========================================================
Tumko dekha to ek khyal aaya
Tumko dekha to ek khyal aaya
Tumhari saheli ko dekha to doosra khayal aaya!!
===========================================================
Na woh inkaar karti hai
Na woh ikraar karti hai
KAMBAKHT mere hi sapno mein aakar
Mere dost se pyaar karti hai.
===========================================================
Jab Jab gire Baadal, Teri Yaad aayi
Jhoom ke barsa Saawan, Teri Yaad aayi
Bheega main,lekin phir bhi teri Yaad aayi
Kyon na aaye teri yaad? Tune jo chatri ab tak nahi lautai...
===========================================================
Bolaa dukaan-daar, ke kyaa chahiye tumhain
Jo bhii kaho ge merii dukaan per wo paoge
maine kahaa ke kutte ke khaane kaa cake hai
bolaa yahiin pe khaaoge yaa leke jaaoge!!!!:?
===========================================================
Unki gali ke chakkar kaat kaat kar,
Kutte bhi hamare yaar ho gaye,
Wo to hamare ho na sake,
Hum kutton ke sardar ho gaye...
===========================================================
haseen tum ho to bure hum bi nahi,
mahlon mein tum ho to sadak par hum bhi nahi,
pyar karke kehte ho shaadi shuda ho,
kaan kholkar sunlo. kunware hum bhi nahi.
===========================================================
Macchar ne jo kata... dil main mere junoon tha.
Khujli hui itni... dil be-sukoon tha.
Pakada to chod diya yeh soch kar ki....
sale ki ragon main apna hi khoon tha!
==========================================================
Aaj didar, kal yaar, parso pyar, phir ekrar, aur phir-intezaar,
phir-takrar,phir-darar, saari mehnat-bekar, aur akhir mein-Ek aur
devdas at beer bar!
Tumko dekha....to yeh khayal aaya
paaglon ke stock mein naya maal aaya!
=====================================
Idhar khuda hai, udar khuda hai,
jidar dekho udar khuda hai,
idhar-udhar bus khuda hi khuda hai
jidhar nahi khuda hai....udhar kal khudega!
======================================
The night is dark, the moon is high,
I stop my car, u ask why?
I come close to u, u feel shy,
I tell u those three magical words....
Hye La, Puncture!!!
======================================
Tumsa koi dusara jameen par hua
to rab se shikayat hogi....
Ek to jehlla nahi jata
doosra aa gaya to kya halat hogi!!!
======================================
Koi pathar se na maare mere dewaane ko........
koi pathar se na maare mere dewaane ko........
koi pathar se na maare mere dewaane ko........
abe aage bhi to bol...............
nuclear power ka jamaana hai, bomb se udaa do saale ko...................
======================================
tuhaar chehraa moti samaan ..
tuhaar chehraa moti samaan...
moti hamaar kutte ka naam!!
===========================================================
Durakht ke paymane pe chilman E husn ka furkat se sharmana...
Durakht ke paymane pe chilman E husn ka furkat se sharmana...
Ye line samajh me aaye to mujhe zaroor batana!!
===========================================================
tere dar pe sanam hazar baar aayenge,
tere dar pe sanam hazar baar aayenge.....
ghanti bajayenge aur bhaag jayenge !!
===========================================================
Jis waqt khuda ne tumhe banaya hoga, ek saroor sa uske
dil pe chaya hoga...pehle socha hoga tujhe jannat mein
rakh lun..phir usse zoo ka khayal aaya hoga!!!
===========================================================
Mere marne ke baad mere doston,
yu aansoo na bahana,
Agar meri yaad aaye to,
sidhe upar chale aana!!
===========================================================
Kyon apni kabar khud-hi khod raha hai Galib...
Kyon apni kabar khud-hi khod raha hai Galib...
La, phawda mujhe de!!
===========================================================
Tumko dekha to ek khyal aaya
Tumko dekha to ek khyal aaya
Tumhari saheli ko dekha to doosra khayal aaya!!
===========================================================
Na woh inkaar karti hai
Na woh ikraar karti hai
KAMBAKHT mere hi sapno mein aakar
Mere dost se pyaar karti hai.
===========================================================
Jab Jab gire Baadal, Teri Yaad aayi
Jhoom ke barsa Saawan, Teri Yaad aayi
Bheega main,lekin phir bhi teri Yaad aayi
Kyon na aaye teri yaad? Tune jo chatri ab tak nahi lautai...
===========================================================
Bolaa dukaan-daar, ke kyaa chahiye tumhain
Jo bhii kaho ge merii dukaan per wo paoge
maine kahaa ke kutte ke khaane kaa cake hai
bolaa yahiin pe khaaoge yaa leke jaaoge!!!!:?
===========================================================
Unki gali ke chakkar kaat kaat kar,
Kutte bhi hamare yaar ho gaye,
Wo to hamare ho na sake,
Hum kutton ke sardar ho gaye...
===========================================================
haseen tum ho to bure hum bi nahi,
mahlon mein tum ho to sadak par hum bhi nahi,
pyar karke kehte ho shaadi shuda ho,
kaan kholkar sunlo. kunware hum bhi nahi.
===========================================================
Macchar ne jo kata... dil main mere junoon tha.
Khujli hui itni... dil be-sukoon tha.
Pakada to chod diya yeh soch kar ki....
sale ki ragon main apna hi khoon tha!
==========================================================
Aaj didar, kal yaar, parso pyar, phir ekrar, aur phir-intezaar,
phir-takrar,phir-darar, saari mehnat-bekar, aur akhir mein-Ek aur
devdas at beer bar!
Monday, January 23, 2006
He He....
Once a Hindu, Muslim and our dear Santa Singh are
standing when a Britishercomes and asks
"Hey guys what are your favorite flowers?
"Hindu: "Lotus"
Britisher: "Ha I clean my shit with that!
"Hindu is surprised and angry as lotus being
our national flower.
Muslim: "Chameli"
Britisher: "Ha I clean my shit with that!
"Muslim also surprised and angry.
Britisher: "sardarji, what is your favorite flower?
"Patriotic Santa: "CACTUS!
ab kar le saaf!
standing when a Britishercomes and asks
"Hey guys what are your favorite flowers?
"Hindu: "Lotus"
Britisher: "Ha I clean my shit with that!
"Hindu is surprised and angry as lotus being
our national flower.
Muslim: "Chameli"
Britisher: "Ha I clean my shit with that!
"Muslim also surprised and angry.
Britisher: "sardarji, what is your favorite flower?
"Patriotic Santa: "CACTUS!
ab kar le saaf!
Mathematician's Maths
Long ago, a clever mathematician used to cheat people.
Once he borrowed Rs.4000/- from a rich man.
After a few days, he borrowed Rs.2000/-
from the same man.
Many days passed, the mathematician did not
return themoney to the rich man.
The rich man went to the mathematician
and asked to return the money.
But to his great surprise, the mathematician replied t
hat there is no need to pay the debt.
"See here, friend" said the mathematician
" the sum of 4000 and 2000 is equal to zero,
so I do not have any balance to pay".
The rich man took the matter to the court.
When the judge came to know this, he was astonished.
He asked the mathematician to prove
that sum of 4000 and 2000 is zero, and not 6000.
The Clever mathematician agreed. He said:
let a = 4000, b = 2000 and c = 6000
a + b = c
Multiply both sides by a + b
(a + b) (a + b) = c (a + b)
a X a + ab + ba + b X b = ca + cb
a X a + ab - ca = cb - b X b - ba
a( a + b -c) = -b(a + b - c)
so a = - b
so a + b = 0
Hence by putting the values of "a" and "b"
as 4000 and2000 respectively,
their sum is zero, so themathematician
saw no need to pay any money to the richman.
The above calculation has
no doubt surprised you as it did the judge.
Once he borrowed Rs.4000/- from a rich man.
After a few days, he borrowed Rs.2000/-
from the same man.
Many days passed, the mathematician did not
return themoney to the rich man.
The rich man went to the mathematician
and asked to return the money.
But to his great surprise, the mathematician replied t
hat there is no need to pay the debt.
"See here, friend" said the mathematician
" the sum of 4000 and 2000 is equal to zero,
so I do not have any balance to pay".
The rich man took the matter to the court.
When the judge came to know this, he was astonished.
He asked the mathematician to prove
that sum of 4000 and 2000 is zero, and not 6000.
The Clever mathematician agreed. He said:
let a = 4000, b = 2000 and c = 6000
a + b = c
Multiply both sides by a + b
(a + b) (a + b) = c (a + b)
a X a + ab + ba + b X b = ca + cb
a X a + ab - ca = cb - b X b - ba
a( a + b -c) = -b(a + b - c)
so a = - b
so a + b = 0
Hence by putting the values of "a" and "b"
as 4000 and2000 respectively,
their sum is zero, so themathematician
saw no need to pay any money to the richman.
The above calculation has
no doubt surprised you as it did the judge.
A Nice Article about Love - by Swami Vivekananda
I once had a friend who grew to be very close to me.
Once when we were sitting at the
edge of a swimming pool,
she filled the palm of her hand with some water
and held it before me, and said this:
"You see this water carefully contained on my hand?
It symbolizes Love."This was how I saw it:
As long as you keep your hand caringly open
and allow it to remain there,
it will always be there.
However, if you attempt to close your fingers round it
and try to posses it, it will spill
through the first cracks it finds.
This is the greatest mistake
that people do when they meet love...
they try to posses it, they demand, they expect...
and just like the water spilling out of your hand,
love will retrieve from you .
For love is meant to be free, you cannot change its nature.
If there are people you love, allow them to be free beings.
Give and don't expect.Advise, but don't order.
Ask, but never demand.It might sound simple,
but it is a lesson that may take
a lifetime to truly practice.
It is the secret to true love.
To truly practice it,
you must sincerely feel no expectations
from those who you love,
and yet an unconditional caring.
"Passing thought... Life is not measured by the number
of breaths we take; but by the moments
that take our breath away.....
Life is beautiful!!! Live it !!!
Once when we were sitting at the
edge of a swimming pool,
she filled the palm of her hand with some water
and held it before me, and said this:
"You see this water carefully contained on my hand?
It symbolizes Love."This was how I saw it:
As long as you keep your hand caringly open
and allow it to remain there,
it will always be there.
However, if you attempt to close your fingers round it
and try to posses it, it will spill
through the first cracks it finds.
This is the greatest mistake
that people do when they meet love...
they try to posses it, they demand, they expect...
and just like the water spilling out of your hand,
love will retrieve from you .
For love is meant to be free, you cannot change its nature.
If there are people you love, allow them to be free beings.
Give and don't expect.Advise, but don't order.
Ask, but never demand.It might sound simple,
but it is a lesson that may take
a lifetime to truly practice.
It is the secret to true love.
To truly practice it,
you must sincerely feel no expectations
from those who you love,
and yet an unconditional caring.
"Passing thought... Life is not measured by the number
of breaths we take; but by the moments
that take our breath away.....
Life is beautiful!!! Live it !!!
Friday, January 20, 2006
**Gud one...**
The husband, although very much in love,
couldn't wait to go out on the town
and party with his old buddies.
So, he said to his new wife,
"Honey, I'll be right back."
"Where are you going, coochy cooh?" asked the wife.
"I'm going to the bar, pretty face.
I'm going to have a beer."
The wife said, "You want a beer, my love?"
She opened the door to the refrigerator
and showed him 25 different kinds of beer,
brands from 12 different countries:
Germany, Holland, Japan, India, etc.
The husband didn't know what to do,
and the only thing that he could think of saying was,
"Yes, lolly pop...but at the bar...
you know...they have frozen glasses..."
He didn't get to finish the sentence,
because the wife interrupted him by saying,
"You want a frozen glass, puppy face?"
She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer,
so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it.
The husband, looking a bit pale, said,
"Yes, tootsie roll, but at the bar they have those
hors d'oeuvres that are really delicious...
I won't be long, I'll be right back. I promise. OK?"
"You want hors d'oeuvres, poochi pooh?"
She opened the oven and took out
5 dishes of different hors d'oeuvres: chicken wings,
pigs in blankets, mushroom caps, pork strips, etc.
"But my sweet honey... at the bar...
you know... there's swearing,
dirty words and all that..."
"You want dirty words, cutie pie?...
"LISTEN UP, D***HEAD! DRINK YOUR F***IN
BEER IN YOUR DAMN FROZEN MUG
AND EAT YOUR MOTHERFU***N SNACKS,
BECAUSE YOU ARE MARRIED NOW,
YOU AREN'T GOING ANYWHERE! GOT IT, AS**OLE?" .....
and, they lived happily ever after!
couldn't wait to go out on the town
and party with his old buddies.
So, he said to his new wife,
"Honey, I'll be right back."
"Where are you going, coochy cooh?" asked the wife.
"I'm going to the bar, pretty face.
I'm going to have a beer."
The wife said, "You want a beer, my love?"
She opened the door to the refrigerator
and showed him 25 different kinds of beer,
brands from 12 different countries:
Germany, Holland, Japan, India, etc.
The husband didn't know what to do,
and the only thing that he could think of saying was,
"Yes, lolly pop...but at the bar...
you know...they have frozen glasses..."
He didn't get to finish the sentence,
because the wife interrupted him by saying,
"You want a frozen glass, puppy face?"
She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer,
so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it.
The husband, looking a bit pale, said,
"Yes, tootsie roll, but at the bar they have those
hors d'oeuvres that are really delicious...
I won't be long, I'll be right back. I promise. OK?"
"You want hors d'oeuvres, poochi pooh?"
She opened the oven and took out
5 dishes of different hors d'oeuvres: chicken wings,
pigs in blankets, mushroom caps, pork strips, etc.
"But my sweet honey... at the bar...
you know... there's swearing,
dirty words and all that..."
"You want dirty words, cutie pie?...
"LISTEN UP, D***HEAD! DRINK YOUR F***IN
BEER IN YOUR DAMN FROZEN MUG
AND EAT YOUR MOTHERFU***N SNACKS,
BECAUSE YOU ARE MARRIED NOW,
YOU AREN'T GOING ANYWHERE! GOT IT, AS**OLE?" .....
and, they lived happily ever after!
Chat with God
Do you sometimes feel life has become too hectic? Do you see problems around you and don't know what to do? Are you really having peace of mind?
Spare some time and read this excellent write-up and you will surely get the answers of the above questions. Chat with God
God: Hello. Did you call me?
Me: Called you? No. Who is this?
God: This is GOD. I heard your prayers. So I thought I will chat.
Me: I do pray. Just makes me feel good. I am actually busy now. I am In the midst of something.
God: What are you busy at? Ants are busy too.
Me: Don't know. But I can't find free time. Life has become hectic.
It's rush hour all the time.
God: Sure. Activity gets you busy. But productivity gets you results.
Activity consumes time. Productivity frees it.
Me: I understand. But I still cant figure out. By the way,
I was not expecting YOU to buzz me on instant messaging chat.
God: Well I wanted to resolve your fight for time,
by giving you some clarity.
In this net era, I wanted to reach you through
the medium you are comfortable with.
Me: Tell me, why has life become complicated now?
God: Stop analyzing life. Just live it.
Analysis is what makes it complicated.
Me: Why are we then constantly unhappy?
God: Your today is the tomorrow that you worried about yesterday.
You are worrying because you are analyzing.
Worrying has become your habit. That's why you are not happy.
Me: But how can we not worry when there is so much uncertainty?
God: Uncertainty is inevitable, but worrying is optional.
Me: But then, there is so much pain due to uncertainty..
God: Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional.
Me: If suffering is optional, why do good people always suffer?
God: Diamond cannot be polished without friction.
Gold cannot be purified without fire.
Good people go through trials, but don't suffer.
With that experience their life become better not bitter.
Me: You mean to say such experience is useful?
God: Yes. Experience is a hard teacher.
She gives the test first and the lessons afterwards.
Me: But still, why should we go through such tests?
Why can't we be free from problems?
God: Problems are purposeful roadblocks
offering beneficial lessons to enhance mental strength.
Inner strength comes from struggle and endurance,
not when you are free from problems.
Me: Frankly in the midst of so many problems,
we don't we know where we
are heading.
God: If you look outside you will not
know where you are heading.
Look inside.
Looking outside, you dream.
Looking inside, you awaken.
Eyes provide sight. Heart provides insight.
Me: Sometimes not succeeding fast seems to
hurt more than moving in the right direction.
What should I do?
God: Success is a measure decided by others.
Satisfaction is a measure decided by you.
You work with the compass.
Let others work with the clock.
Me: In tough times, how do I stay motivated?
God: Always look at how far you have come
rather than how far you have to go.
Always count your blessing,
not what you are missing.
God: When they suffer they ask, "why me?"
When they prosper, they never ask "Why me".
Everyone wishes to have truth on their side,
but few want to be on the side of the truth.
Me: Sometimes I ask, who I am,
why am I here. I can't get an answer.
God: Seek not to find who you are,
but to determine who you want to be.
Stop looking for a purpose as to
why you are here. Create it.
Life is not a process of discovery
but a process of creation.
Me: How can I get the best out of life?
God: Face your past without regret.
Handle your present with confidence.
Prepare for the future without fear.
Me: One last question. Sometimes I feel
my prayers are not answered.
God: There are no unanswered prayers.
At times the answer is NO.
Me: Thank you for this wonderful chat.
God: Well. Keep the faith and drop the fear.
Don't believe your doubts and don't doubt your beliefs.
Life is a mystery to solve not a problem to resolve. Trust me.
Life is wonderful if you know how to live.
Yours Ever,
Life
Spare some time and read this excellent write-up and you will surely get the answers of the above questions. Chat with God
God: Hello. Did you call me?
Me: Called you? No. Who is this?
God: This is GOD. I heard your prayers. So I thought I will chat.
Me: I do pray. Just makes me feel good. I am actually busy now. I am In the midst of something.
God: What are you busy at? Ants are busy too.
Me: Don't know. But I can't find free time. Life has become hectic.
It's rush hour all the time.
God: Sure. Activity gets you busy. But productivity gets you results.
Activity consumes time. Productivity frees it.
Me: I understand. But I still cant figure out. By the way,
I was not expecting YOU to buzz me on instant messaging chat.
God: Well I wanted to resolve your fight for time,
by giving you some clarity.
In this net era, I wanted to reach you through
the medium you are comfortable with.
Me: Tell me, why has life become complicated now?
God: Stop analyzing life. Just live it.
Analysis is what makes it complicated.
Me: Why are we then constantly unhappy?
God: Your today is the tomorrow that you worried about yesterday.
You are worrying because you are analyzing.
Worrying has become your habit. That's why you are not happy.
Me: But how can we not worry when there is so much uncertainty?
God: Uncertainty is inevitable, but worrying is optional.
Me: But then, there is so much pain due to uncertainty..
God: Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional.
Me: If suffering is optional, why do good people always suffer?
God: Diamond cannot be polished without friction.
Gold cannot be purified without fire.
Good people go through trials, but don't suffer.
With that experience their life become better not bitter.
Me: You mean to say such experience is useful?
God: Yes. Experience is a hard teacher.
She gives the test first and the lessons afterwards.
Me: But still, why should we go through such tests?
Why can't we be free from problems?
God: Problems are purposeful roadblocks
offering beneficial lessons to enhance mental strength.
Inner strength comes from struggle and endurance,
not when you are free from problems.
Me: Frankly in the midst of so many problems,
we don't we know where we
are heading.
God: If you look outside you will not
know where you are heading.
Look inside.
Looking outside, you dream.
Looking inside, you awaken.
Eyes provide sight. Heart provides insight.
Me: Sometimes not succeeding fast seems to
hurt more than moving in the right direction.
What should I do?
God: Success is a measure decided by others.
Satisfaction is a measure decided by you.
You work with the compass.
Let others work with the clock.
Me: In tough times, how do I stay motivated?
God: Always look at how far you have come
rather than how far you have to go.
Always count your blessing,
not what you are missing.
God: When they suffer they ask, "why me?"
When they prosper, they never ask "Why me".
Everyone wishes to have truth on their side,
but few want to be on the side of the truth.
Me: Sometimes I ask, who I am,
why am I here. I can't get an answer.
God: Seek not to find who you are,
but to determine who you want to be.
Stop looking for a purpose as to
why you are here. Create it.
Life is not a process of discovery
but a process of creation.
Me: How can I get the best out of life?
God: Face your past without regret.
Handle your present with confidence.
Prepare for the future without fear.
Me: One last question. Sometimes I feel
my prayers are not answered.
God: There are no unanswered prayers.
At times the answer is NO.
Me: Thank you for this wonderful chat.
God: Well. Keep the faith and drop the fear.
Don't believe your doubts and don't doubt your beliefs.
Life is a mystery to solve not a problem to resolve. Trust me.
Life is wonderful if you know how to live.
Yours Ever,
Life
~~~Bad-Day~~~
A fierce gust of wind blew 45-year-old Vittorio Luise's car into a river near Naples, Italy in 1983. He managed to break out a window, climb out, and swim to shore-where a tree blew over and killed him.
~~~Bad-Day~~~
Mike Stewart, 31, of Dallas was filming a public service movie in 1983 on "The Dangers of Low-Level Bridges" when the truck he was standing on passed under a low-level bridge-killing him.
~~~Bad-Day~~~
Walter Hallas, a 26-year-old store clerk in Leeds, England was so afraid of dentists that in 1979 he asked a fellow worker to try to cure his toothache by punching him in the jaw. The punch caused Hallas to fall down, hitting his head, and he died of a fractured skull.
~~~Bad-Day~~~
George Schwartz, owner of a factory in Providence, R.I. narrowly escaped death when a 1983 blast flattened his factory except for one wall. After treatment for minor injuries, he returned to the scene to search for his files. The remaining wall then collapsed on him, killing him instantly.
~~~Bad-Day~~~
Depressed since he couldn't find a job, 42-year-old Romolo Ribolla sat in his kitchen near Pisa, Italy with a gun in his hand, threatening to kill himself in 1981. His wife pleaded for him not to do it, and after about an hour, he burst into tears and threw the gun to the floor. It went off and killed his wife.
~~~Bad-Day~~~
In 1983, a Mrs. Carson of Lake Kushaqua, N.Y. was laid out in her coffin, presumed dead of heart disease. As mourners watched, she suddenly sat up. Her daughter dropped dead of fright.
~~~Bad-Day~~~
A man hit by a car in New York City in 1977 got up uninjured, but laid back down in front of the car when a bystander told him to pretend he was hurt so he could collect insurance money. The car then rolled forward and crushed him to death.
~~~Bad-Day~~~
Suprised while burgling a house in Antwerp, Belgium, a thief fled out the back door, clambered over a nine-foot wall, dropped down, and found himself in the city prison.
~~~Bad-Day~~~
Two German motorists had an all-too-literal head-on collision in heavy fog near the small town of Guetersloh. Each was guiding his car at a snail's pace from opposite directions but both near the middle of the road. At the moment of impact, their heads were both out of the widows where they smacked together. Both men were hospitalized with severe head injuries. Their cars weren't scratched.
~~~Bad-Day~~~
In a case of "one thing leading to another", seven men, aged 18-27 years, received jail sentences of 3-4 years each in Kingston-On-Thames, England in 1979, after a fight that started when one of the men threw a french fry at another while they stood waiting for a train.
~~~Bad-Day~~~
Hitting on the novel idea that he could end his wife's incessant nagging by giving her a good scare, Hungarian Jake Fen built an elaborate harness to make it look as if he had hanged himself. When his wife came home and saw him, she fainted. Hearing a disturbance, a neighbor came over and, finding what she thought were two corpses, seized the opportunity to loot the place. As she was leaving the room, her arms laden, the outraged and suspended Mr. Fen kicked her stoutly in the backside. This so suprised the lady that she dropped dead of a heart attack. Happily, Mr. Fen was acquitted of manslaughter, and he and his wife were reconciled.
~~~Bad-Day~~~
Mike Stewart, 31, of Dallas was filming a public service movie in 1983 on "The Dangers of Low-Level Bridges" when the truck he was standing on passed under a low-level bridge-killing him.
~~~Bad-Day~~~
Walter Hallas, a 26-year-old store clerk in Leeds, England was so afraid of dentists that in 1979 he asked a fellow worker to try to cure his toothache by punching him in the jaw. The punch caused Hallas to fall down, hitting his head, and he died of a fractured skull.
~~~Bad-Day~~~
George Schwartz, owner of a factory in Providence, R.I. narrowly escaped death when a 1983 blast flattened his factory except for one wall. After treatment for minor injuries, he returned to the scene to search for his files. The remaining wall then collapsed on him, killing him instantly.
~~~Bad-Day~~~
Depressed since he couldn't find a job, 42-year-old Romolo Ribolla sat in his kitchen near Pisa, Italy with a gun in his hand, threatening to kill himself in 1981. His wife pleaded for him not to do it, and after about an hour, he burst into tears and threw the gun to the floor. It went off and killed his wife.
~~~Bad-Day~~~
In 1983, a Mrs. Carson of Lake Kushaqua, N.Y. was laid out in her coffin, presumed dead of heart disease. As mourners watched, she suddenly sat up. Her daughter dropped dead of fright.
~~~Bad-Day~~~
A man hit by a car in New York City in 1977 got up uninjured, but laid back down in front of the car when a bystander told him to pretend he was hurt so he could collect insurance money. The car then rolled forward and crushed him to death.
~~~Bad-Day~~~
Suprised while burgling a house in Antwerp, Belgium, a thief fled out the back door, clambered over a nine-foot wall, dropped down, and found himself in the city prison.
~~~Bad-Day~~~
Two German motorists had an all-too-literal head-on collision in heavy fog near the small town of Guetersloh. Each was guiding his car at a snail's pace from opposite directions but both near the middle of the road. At the moment of impact, their heads were both out of the widows where they smacked together. Both men were hospitalized with severe head injuries. Their cars weren't scratched.
~~~Bad-Day~~~
In a case of "one thing leading to another", seven men, aged 18-27 years, received jail sentences of 3-4 years each in Kingston-On-Thames, England in 1979, after a fight that started when one of the men threw a french fry at another while they stood waiting for a train.
~~~Bad-Day~~~
Hitting on the novel idea that he could end his wife's incessant nagging by giving her a good scare, Hungarian Jake Fen built an elaborate harness to make it look as if he had hanged himself. When his wife came home and saw him, she fainted. Hearing a disturbance, a neighbor came over and, finding what she thought were two corpses, seized the opportunity to loot the place. As she was leaving the room, her arms laden, the outraged and suspended Mr. Fen kicked her stoutly in the backside. This so suprised the lady that she dropped dead of a heart attack. Happily, Mr. Fen was acquitted of manslaughter, and he and his wife were reconciled.
Priests dont lie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
A very distinguished lady was on
a plane arriving from Switzerland.
She found herself seated next
to a nice priest whom she asked:
Excuse me Father, could I ask a favor?"
"Of course my child, What can I do for you?"
Here is the problem, I bought myself a new sophisticated hair remover
gadget for which I paid an enormous sum of money. I have really gone
over the declaration limits and
I am worried that they will confiscate it at customs.
Do you think you could
hide it under your cassock?"
Of course I could, my child,
but you must realize that I can not lie."
You have such an honest face Father,
I am sure they will not ask you any questions",
and she gave him the 'hair remover'.
The aircraft arrived at its destination.
When the priest presented
himself to customs he was asked,
"Father, do you have anything to declare?"
From the top of my head to my sash,
I have nothing to declare, my son", he replied.
Finding this reply strange,
the customs officer asked
"And from the sash down,
what do you have?"
The priest replied, "I have there a marvelous l
ittle instrument destined for use by women,
but which has never been used."
Breaking out in laughter, the customs officer said,
"Go ahead Father.
Next...!"
a plane arriving from Switzerland.
She found herself seated next
to a nice priest whom she asked:
Excuse me Father, could I ask a favor?"
"Of course my child, What can I do for you?"
Here is the problem, I bought myself a new sophisticated hair remover
gadget for which I paid an enormous sum of money. I have really gone
over the declaration limits and
I am worried that they will confiscate it at customs.
Do you think you could
hide it under your cassock?"
Of course I could, my child,
but you must realize that I can not lie."
You have such an honest face Father,
I am sure they will not ask you any questions",
and she gave him the 'hair remover'.
The aircraft arrived at its destination.
When the priest presented
himself to customs he was asked,
"Father, do you have anything to declare?"
From the top of my head to my sash,
I have nothing to declare, my son", he replied.
Finding this reply strange,
the customs officer asked
"And from the sash down,
what do you have?"
The priest replied, "I have there a marvelous l
ittle instrument destined for use by women,
but which has never been used."
Breaking out in laughter, the customs officer said,
"Go ahead Father.
Next...!"
Thursday, January 19, 2006
Love & Happiness - By Sri Sri Ravishankar
True Laughter is Nothing But Heartfelt Prayer
When you begin your day in laughter and love,
your life gets divinely enlivened.
True prayer is laughing in the morning
both from outside and from deep inside.
Laughter comes from the centre of our Being,
from the core of our heart.
Our belly is so full of laughter that the laughter
permeates every cell in our body.
True laughter is true prayer.
When you laugh, the whole of nature laughs with you.
It echoes and resounds and makes life worthwhile.
When things go all right, everybody can laugh,
but when everything falls apart,
and yet you laugh, that is evolution and growth.
Nothing in life is more worthy than your laughter.
Never lose it. Events come and go.
Some are pleasant, and others, unpleasant.
There is some area deep in you that is left untouched.
Hold on to what is untouched.
Then you will be able to keep laughing.
Sometimes you laugh just to avoid thinking
or to avoid looking at yourself.
But when you see and feel within that
life is present and intense every moment,
nothing can bother you or touch you.
That laughter is authentic.
You might have observed babies,
six months or one year old.
When they laugh, their whole body is jumping and bouncing.
Every cell in the body is laughing.
That is enlightenment.
That laughter is innocent, pure, without inhibitions.
Opinions are the impressions we make on our minds.
If we have one experience repeated four or five times,
then, for the rest of our lives we tend
to see life through those same experiences.
We have not learnt how to retain
that innocence so that our minds
are not imprinted with definite opinions.
We need to be able to see things as they are.
When life’s essence blooms from within,
there is true laughter akin to godliness.
Godliness is a feeling of belonging.
We all belong to one another.
Laughter opens us up, opens the heart.
And anytime we don’t feel up to that innocence,
what do we do? “I feel tense,
I don’t feel that innocent or free.
What do I do?” You can attend to several layers
of your own existence. First, the body.
See if you have rested, eaten, and had some exercise.
Then attend to the breath. Breath has its own rhythm.
Every mood of the mind has a
definite rhythm in the breath.
By attending to the rhythm in the breath,
mind and body can be elevated.
Then look at the concepts
and opinions that hover in the mind.
Good, bad, right, wrong, should do,
shouldn’t do, all these could bind you.
Observe the thoughts. And then observe the feelings.
Every thought is associated with some sensation, some feeling.
Observe the sensation and feeling in the body.
Observe the rhythm in emotions.
We commit the same old mistakes.
I never say, “Don’t make mistakes”.
I say, “Make at least some new mistakes”.
The pattern, the rhythm in emotion is the same;
situations are different. It is like hanging the same
coat on different hooks. You have the same pattern
of emotions but you hang it on different causes,
people, circumstances, situations.
The peak of any emotion will lead you
ultimately to yourself — to your centre — by helping you take off to space.
When you begin your day in laughter and love,
your life gets divinely enlivened.
True prayer is laughing in the morning
both from outside and from deep inside.
Laughter comes from the centre of our Being,
from the core of our heart.
Our belly is so full of laughter that the laughter
permeates every cell in our body.
True laughter is true prayer.
When you laugh, the whole of nature laughs with you.
It echoes and resounds and makes life worthwhile.
When things go all right, everybody can laugh,
but when everything falls apart,
and yet you laugh, that is evolution and growth.
Nothing in life is more worthy than your laughter.
Never lose it. Events come and go.
Some are pleasant, and others, unpleasant.
There is some area deep in you that is left untouched.
Hold on to what is untouched.
Then you will be able to keep laughing.
Sometimes you laugh just to avoid thinking
or to avoid looking at yourself.
But when you see and feel within that
life is present and intense every moment,
nothing can bother you or touch you.
That laughter is authentic.
You might have observed babies,
six months or one year old.
When they laugh, their whole body is jumping and bouncing.
Every cell in the body is laughing.
That is enlightenment.
That laughter is innocent, pure, without inhibitions.
Opinions are the impressions we make on our minds.
If we have one experience repeated four or five times,
then, for the rest of our lives we tend
to see life through those same experiences.
We have not learnt how to retain
that innocence so that our minds
are not imprinted with definite opinions.
We need to be able to see things as they are.
When life’s essence blooms from within,
there is true laughter akin to godliness.
Godliness is a feeling of belonging.
We all belong to one another.
Laughter opens us up, opens the heart.
And anytime we don’t feel up to that innocence,
what do we do? “I feel tense,
I don’t feel that innocent or free.
What do I do?” You can attend to several layers
of your own existence. First, the body.
See if you have rested, eaten, and had some exercise.
Then attend to the breath. Breath has its own rhythm.
Every mood of the mind has a
definite rhythm in the breath.
By attending to the rhythm in the breath,
mind and body can be elevated.
Then look at the concepts
and opinions that hover in the mind.
Good, bad, right, wrong, should do,
shouldn’t do, all these could bind you.
Observe the thoughts. And then observe the feelings.
Every thought is associated with some sensation, some feeling.
Observe the sensation and feeling in the body.
Observe the rhythm in emotions.
We commit the same old mistakes.
I never say, “Don’t make mistakes”.
I say, “Make at least some new mistakes”.
The pattern, the rhythm in emotion is the same;
situations are different. It is like hanging the same
coat on different hooks. You have the same pattern
of emotions but you hang it on different causes,
people, circumstances, situations.
The peak of any emotion will lead you
ultimately to yourself — to your centre — by helping you take off to space.
Windshield thoughts of a 6 year old
One rainy afternoon I was driving
along oneof the main streets of town,
taking those extraprecautions necessary
when the roads are wet and slick.
Suddenly, my daughter, Aspen,
spoke up from her relaxed position in her seat.
"Dad, I'm thinking of something."
This announcement usually
meant she had been pondering
some fact for a while,
and was now readyto expound all that
her six-year-old mind had discovered.
I was eager to hear.
"What are you thinking?" I asked.
"The rain" she began, "is like sin,
and the windshield wipers are like
God wiping our sins away."
After the chill bumps raced up
my arms I was able to respond.
"That's really good, Aspen."
Then my curiosity broke in.
How far would this little
girl take this revelation?
So I asked...
"Do you notice how the rain
keeps on coming?
What does that tell you?"
Aspen didn't hesitate
one moment with her answer:
"We keep on sinning,
and God just keeps on forgiving us."
I will always remember this
whenever I turn my wipers on...
along oneof the main streets of town,
taking those extraprecautions necessary
when the roads are wet and slick.
Suddenly, my daughter, Aspen,
spoke up from her relaxed position in her seat.
"Dad, I'm thinking of something."
This announcement usually
meant she had been pondering
some fact for a while,
and was now readyto expound all that
her six-year-old mind had discovered.
I was eager to hear.
"What are you thinking?" I asked.
"The rain" she began, "is like sin,
and the windshield wipers are like
God wiping our sins away."
After the chill bumps raced up
my arms I was able to respond.
"That's really good, Aspen."
Then my curiosity broke in.
How far would this little
girl take this revelation?
So I asked...
"Do you notice how the rain
keeps on coming?
What does that tell you?"
Aspen didn't hesitate
one moment with her answer:
"We keep on sinning,
and God just keeps on forgiving us."
I will always remember this
whenever I turn my wipers on...
If you are a Dilbert fan, you'll definitely like these
Born free taxed to death
In a country of free speech, why are there phone bills?
When everything comes in your way
you're in the wrong lane
If you keep your feet firmly on the ground,
you'll have trouble putting on your pants
Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking
Life is unsure; always eat your dessert
first Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce
Work is fine if it doesn't take too much of your time
It's not hard to meet expenses - they are everywhere
I love being a writer.... what I can't stand is thepaperwork
A printer consists of 3 main parts: the case,
the jammed paper tray
and the blinking red light
The hardest part of skating is the ice
If you tell a man there are
300 billion stars in theuniverse, he'llbelieve you.
But if you tell him a park bench has justbeen painted,
he has to touch it to be sure
If you cannot change your mind,
are you sure you haveone ?
Beat the 6 O'clock rush.
Leave work at noon !
I couldn't repair your brakes,
so I made your hornlouder
In a country of free speech, why are there phone bills?
When everything comes in your way
you're in the wrong lane
If you keep your feet firmly on the ground,
you'll have trouble putting on your pants
Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking
Life is unsure; always eat your dessert
first Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce
Work is fine if it doesn't take too much of your time
It's not hard to meet expenses - they are everywhere
I love being a writer.... what I can't stand is thepaperwork
A printer consists of 3 main parts: the case,
the jammed paper tray
and the blinking red light
The hardest part of skating is the ice
If you tell a man there are
300 billion stars in theuniverse, he'llbelieve you.
But if you tell him a park bench has justbeen painted,
he has to touch it to be sure
If you cannot change your mind,
are you sure you haveone ?
Beat the 6 O'clock rush.
Leave work at noon !
I couldn't repair your brakes,
so I made your hornlouder
ShortArticle - Food Of Thought
"Didn't that bother you?" I asked my friend
once we were seated in the restaurant.
His reply amazed me.
"I never let anyone provoke me
for things I can'tchange,” he said quietly.
His answer was food for thought that was
much more nourishing than
the lunch we went on to share.
It became clear to me that
when I Iet myself fall into provocation trap,
I give upcontrol over my emotions,
which eventually hurts noone but me.
Has someone provoked you recently?
Stay out of thetrap!
So, don’t let anyone provoke you
for things youcant change…because it will only hurt you… :)
once we were seated in the restaurant.
His reply amazed me.
"I never let anyone provoke me
for things I can'tchange,” he said quietly.
His answer was food for thought that was
much more nourishing than
the lunch we went on to share.
It became clear to me that
when I Iet myself fall into provocation trap,
I give upcontrol over my emotions,
which eventually hurts noone but me.
Has someone provoked you recently?
Stay out of thetrap!
So, don’t let anyone provoke you
for things youcant change…because it will only hurt you… :)
Humorous...
WOMEN'S REVENGE
"Cash, cheque card or charge-card?"
the cashier asked,
after folding up the items f
or the woman wished to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet
he noticed aremote control for a
television set in her purse.
"Doyou always carry your TV remote?" he asked.
"No,"she replied,
but my husband refused to come shopping with me,
and I figured this was the most evil thing
I could do to him legally."
WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country
road for several miles,
not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had
led to an argument and neither of them
wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats,and pigs,
the husband asked sarcastically,
"Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied,
"in-laws."
WORDS
A husband read an article to his wife about
how manywords women use a day...
30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, "The reason has to be
because wehave to repeat everything to men...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"
CREATION
A man said to his wife one day,
"I don't know how youcan be so
stupid and beautiful all at the same time.
The wiferesponded,
"Allowme to explain. God made me beautiful
so you would beattracted to me;
God made me stupid so
I would be attracted to you!
WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having
an argument about who should brew
the coffee each morning.
The wife said, "You should do it,
because you get up first,
and then we don'thave to
wait as long to get our coffee."
The husband said,
"You are in charge of cooking
around here and you should do it,
because that is your job,
and I can just wait for my coffee.
" The wife replied,
"No, you should do it,
and besides, it is in the Bible
that the man should do the coffee."
Husband replies,
"I can't believe that, show me "
The wife fetched the Bible,
and opened the New Testament
and showed him at the top
of several pages, that it indeed says.......... "HEBREWS"
THE SILENT TREATMENT
A man and his wife were having
some problems at home and were
giving each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly, theman realized that the next day,
he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM
for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first
to break the silence (and LOSE),
he wrote on a piece of paper,
"Please wake me at 5:00 AM."
He left it where he knew
she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up,
only to discover it was 9:00 AM
and he had missed his flight.
Furious, he was about to go
and see why his wife hadn't wakened him,
when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
The paper said,
"It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
Men are not equipped for
these kinds of contests.
"Cash, cheque card or charge-card?"
the cashier asked,
after folding up the items f
or the woman wished to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet
he noticed aremote control for a
television set in her purse.
"Doyou always carry your TV remote?" he asked.
"No,"she replied,
but my husband refused to come shopping with me,
and I figured this was the most evil thing
I could do to him legally."
WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country
road for several miles,
not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had
led to an argument and neither of them
wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats,and pigs,
the husband asked sarcastically,
"Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied,
"in-laws."
WORDS
A husband read an article to his wife about
how manywords women use a day...
30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, "The reason has to be
because wehave to repeat everything to men...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"
CREATION
A man said to his wife one day,
"I don't know how youcan be so
stupid and beautiful all at the same time.
The wiferesponded,
"Allowme to explain. God made me beautiful
so you would beattracted to me;
God made me stupid so
I would be attracted to you!
WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having
an argument about who should brew
the coffee each morning.
The wife said, "You should do it,
because you get up first,
and then we don'thave to
wait as long to get our coffee."
The husband said,
"You are in charge of cooking
around here and you should do it,
because that is your job,
and I can just wait for my coffee.
" The wife replied,
"No, you should do it,
and besides, it is in the Bible
that the man should do the coffee."
Husband replies,
"I can't believe that, show me "
The wife fetched the Bible,
and opened the New Testament
and showed him at the top
of several pages, that it indeed says.......... "HEBREWS"
THE SILENT TREATMENT
A man and his wife were having
some problems at home and were
giving each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly, theman realized that the next day,
he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM
for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first
to break the silence (and LOSE),
he wrote on a piece of paper,
"Please wake me at 5:00 AM."
He left it where he knew
she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up,
only to discover it was 9:00 AM
and he had missed his flight.
Furious, he was about to go
and see why his wife hadn't wakened him,
when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
The paper said,
"It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
Men are not equipped for
these kinds of contests.
A very interesting story
A very interesting story
Martin wakes up at home with a huge hangover.
He forces himself to open his eyes,
and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins
and a glass of water on the side table.
He sits down and sees his clothing in front of him,
all clean and pressed.
Martin looks around the room and
sees that it is in perfect order, spotless, clean.
So is the rest of the house.
He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table.
"Honey, breakfast is on the stove,
I left early to go shopping. Love You!"
So he goes to the kitchen and sure enough there
is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper.
His son is also at the table, eating.
Martin asks, "Son, what happened last night?"
His son says, "Well, you came home around 3 AM,
drunk and delirious.
Broke some furniture, puked in the hallway,
and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door."
Confused, Martin asks, "So, why is everything in order
and so clean, and breakfast is on the
table waiting for me?
I should expect a big quarrel with her!"
His son replies, "Oh, that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom,
and when she tried to take your clothes n
shoes off, you said,
"Lady leave me alone! I'm married!"
Moral
Self-induced hangover -- $100.00
Broken furniture -- $2,000.00
Breakfast -- $10.00
Saying The Right Thing While Drunk- PRICELESS!!
Martin wakes up at home with a huge hangover.
He forces himself to open his eyes,
and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins
and a glass of water on the side table.
He sits down and sees his clothing in front of him,
all clean and pressed.
Martin looks around the room and
sees that it is in perfect order, spotless, clean.
So is the rest of the house.
He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table.
"Honey, breakfast is on the stove,
I left early to go shopping. Love You!"
So he goes to the kitchen and sure enough there
is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper.
His son is also at the table, eating.
Martin asks, "Son, what happened last night?"
His son says, "Well, you came home around 3 AM,
drunk and delirious.
Broke some furniture, puked in the hallway,
and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door."
Confused, Martin asks, "So, why is everything in order
and so clean, and breakfast is on the
table waiting for me?
I should expect a big quarrel with her!"
His son replies, "Oh, that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom,
and when she tried to take your clothes n
shoes off, you said,
"Lady leave me alone! I'm married!"
Moral
Self-induced hangover -- $100.00
Broken furniture -- $2,000.00
Breakfast -- $10.00
Saying The Right Thing While Drunk- PRICELESS!!
Top 10 Anti-Cancer Food Source:
Top 10 Anti-Cancer Food Source: Consumerline by Ching M. Alano Star,
The mere mention of the word makes us shrink in fear.
It's like a death sentence.
It's the leading cause of death in the World,
overtaking heart disease.
But take heart, recent statistics show a decline
in the incidence of both diseases.
Now, that's heartening news!
And the American Cancer Society reports that half
of all these cancer deaths can be prevented
by adopting a healthier lifestyle
(assuming you already lead a healthy one).
Now, that's doubly heartening news!
Opting for a healthier (and heartier) lifestyle means
you should stop smoking, lose weight, exercise,
and eat more antioxidant-rich fruits and vegetables,
according to a recent article published in Healthy Options lifestyle newsdigest.For starters,
let's get to know
more about the top
10 anti-cancer foods.
Take this list (and please take them often):
1) Tomatoes. You probably know that tomatoes are
oozing with lycopene, which helps ward off the
free radicals associated with lung and digestive cancers
as well as prostate, ovarian and lung cancers.
Lycopene is also found in watermelon
and pink grapefruit.
2) Broccoli sprouts. For a veggie
that's so small you can hold it with one hand,
this one's got a fistful of antioxidant
benefits that last for days.
In the same family of cruciferous vegetables are
broccoli, brussels sprouts, cauliflower, and cabbage.
Their sulforaphane and indole-3-carbinol protect
against prostate, bladder, colon, pancreatic,
gastric, breast, and other hormone-related cancers.
Indeed, it's the ultimate baby vegetable, baby!
3) Berries. Blueberries, strawberries,
cherries, raspberries, cranberries,
and grapes are all berry-rich in anthocyanins
that help repair and protect DNA.
4) Soybeans. They're soy-good for your health
as they've got isoflavones (like genistein)
that prevent – and treat – prostate cancer.
Soybeans may also reduce breast cancer risk.
Soy is truly beanificial to our health!
5) Tea. Tea – make that green and black –
is steeped in powerful compounds that,
according to countless studies,
may lower the risk of
several types of cancer. Care for tea?
6) Pumpkin. This Halloween symbol – and Cinderella's chariot –
has magical powers indeed. But not too many know
that this superfood is a super-rich source
of beta-carotene and alpha-carotene,
two carotenoids that work hard to
fight lung and ovarian cancers.
Also rich in carotenoids are carrots, yams,
squash, melons, and sweet red peppers.
7) Spinach. Aye, aye, Popeye was right –
spinach's a-okay.
Its active antioxidant – lutein – may even
help KO cancers of the liver, ovaries, colon,
and prostate. Lutein is also found
in kale and other leafy greens.
8) Garlic. The allium family, to which garlic belongs,
works to boost the body's antioxidant
defense systems to protect against stomach,
esophageal, and breast cancers.
Meet the other members of the family:
scallions and onions.
Truly, in onion, there is strength.
9) Pineapple. This pine cone-like fruit with its coveted
sweet pulp contains an anti-inflammatory
enzyme – bromelain – that may inhibit the
growth of malignant lung and breast cancer cells.
10) Apple. Yes, there's a mouthful of wisdom in the saying
"An apple a day keeps the doctor away."
Studies show that quercetin – a flavonoid abundant in apples –
prevents the growth of prostate cancer cells.
The phytochemicals in the skin of an apple inhibits
the reproduction of colon cancer cells.
According to the National Cancer Institute,
eating an apple a day may reduce the
risk of lung cancer by as much as 50 percent.
Excuse me while I bite into my apple.
A cupful of warning
If you're an instant noodle lover,
please read this quickly before you chow down
your next bowlful or cupful: Make sure you break for
at least three days after eating instant noodles
before you eat your next packet because
the wax coating the noodles
takes at least two days for the body to clear.
The wax prevents the noodles from sticking together.
One story has it that one steward,
after eating instant noodles almost every meal,
had cancer and eventually died of it.
Which is why some even refer to instant noodles as "cancer noodles."
The mere mention of the word makes us shrink in fear.
It's like a death sentence.
It's the leading cause of death in the World,
overtaking heart disease.
But take heart, recent statistics show a decline
in the incidence of both diseases.
Now, that's heartening news!
And the American Cancer Society reports that half
of all these cancer deaths can be prevented
by adopting a healthier lifestyle
(assuming you already lead a healthy one).
Now, that's doubly heartening news!
Opting for a healthier (and heartier) lifestyle means
you should stop smoking, lose weight, exercise,
and eat more antioxidant-rich fruits and vegetables,
according to a recent article published in Healthy Options lifestyle newsdigest.For starters,
let's get to know
more about the top
10 anti-cancer foods.
Take this list (and please take them often):
1) Tomatoes. You probably know that tomatoes are
oozing with lycopene, which helps ward off the
free radicals associated with lung and digestive cancers
as well as prostate, ovarian and lung cancers.
Lycopene is also found in watermelon
and pink grapefruit.
2) Broccoli sprouts. For a veggie
that's so small you can hold it with one hand,
this one's got a fistful of antioxidant
benefits that last for days.
In the same family of cruciferous vegetables are
broccoli, brussels sprouts, cauliflower, and cabbage.
Their sulforaphane and indole-3-carbinol protect
against prostate, bladder, colon, pancreatic,
gastric, breast, and other hormone-related cancers.
Indeed, it's the ultimate baby vegetable, baby!
3) Berries. Blueberries, strawberries,
cherries, raspberries, cranberries,
and grapes are all berry-rich in anthocyanins
that help repair and protect DNA.
4) Soybeans. They're soy-good for your health
as they've got isoflavones (like genistein)
that prevent – and treat – prostate cancer.
Soybeans may also reduce breast cancer risk.
Soy is truly beanificial to our health!
5) Tea. Tea – make that green and black –
is steeped in powerful compounds that,
according to countless studies,
may lower the risk of
several types of cancer. Care for tea?
6) Pumpkin. This Halloween symbol – and Cinderella's chariot –
has magical powers indeed. But not too many know
that this superfood is a super-rich source
of beta-carotene and alpha-carotene,
two carotenoids that work hard to
fight lung and ovarian cancers.
Also rich in carotenoids are carrots, yams,
squash, melons, and sweet red peppers.
7) Spinach. Aye, aye, Popeye was right –
spinach's a-okay.
Its active antioxidant – lutein – may even
help KO cancers of the liver, ovaries, colon,
and prostate. Lutein is also found
in kale and other leafy greens.
8) Garlic. The allium family, to which garlic belongs,
works to boost the body's antioxidant
defense systems to protect against stomach,
esophageal, and breast cancers.
Meet the other members of the family:
scallions and onions.
Truly, in onion, there is strength.
9) Pineapple. This pine cone-like fruit with its coveted
sweet pulp contains an anti-inflammatory
enzyme – bromelain – that may inhibit the
growth of malignant lung and breast cancer cells.
10) Apple. Yes, there's a mouthful of wisdom in the saying
"An apple a day keeps the doctor away."
Studies show that quercetin – a flavonoid abundant in apples –
prevents the growth of prostate cancer cells.
The phytochemicals in the skin of an apple inhibits
the reproduction of colon cancer cells.
According to the National Cancer Institute,
eating an apple a day may reduce the
risk of lung cancer by as much as 50 percent.
Excuse me while I bite into my apple.
A cupful of warning
If you're an instant noodle lover,
please read this quickly before you chow down
your next bowlful or cupful: Make sure you break for
at least three days after eating instant noodles
before you eat your next packet because
the wax coating the noodles
takes at least two days for the body to clear.
The wax prevents the noodles from sticking together.
One story has it that one steward,
after eating instant noodles almost every meal,
had cancer and eventually died of it.
Which is why some even refer to instant noodles as "cancer noodles."
Wednesday, January 18, 2006
Love your boss?????
In Memory of all those who love their boss !
A guy phones up his Boss, but gets the bosses' wife instead.
"I'm afraid he died last week." she explains.
The next day the man calls again
and asks for the boss.
"I told you" the wife replies,
"he died last week."
The next day he calls again
and once more asks to Speak to his boss.
By this time the wife is getting upset
and shouts, "I'VE ALREADY TOLD
YOU TWICE, MY HUSBAND,
YOUR BOSS, DIED LAST WEEK!
WHY DO YOU KEEP CALLING?"
"Coz," he replied laughing,
"I just love hearing it..."
A guy phones up his Boss, but gets the bosses' wife instead.
"I'm afraid he died last week." she explains.
The next day the man calls again
and asks for the boss.
"I told you" the wife replies,
"he died last week."
The next day he calls again
and once more asks to Speak to his boss.
By this time the wife is getting upset
and shouts, "I'VE ALREADY TOLD
YOU TWICE, MY HUSBAND,
YOUR BOSS, DIED LAST WEEK!
WHY DO YOU KEEP CALLING?"
"Coz," he replied laughing,
"I just love hearing it..."
Obedient Husband
Men on earth die and go to heaven.
God comes and says," I want the men to form two queues
one line for the men who dominated their women,
andthe other one for the men who were dominated
by theirwomen.
Also, I want all the women to go away so
that no man and woman can talk."
Next time God comes back,
the women are gone,
andthere are two lines.
The line for the men who were
dominated by their women
is 100 miles long,
and in theline of men who dominated
their women there is only one man.
God gets mad and says,
"You men should be ashamed ofyourselves.
I created you in my image,
and you were all whipped by your mates.
Look at the only one of my sons
who stood up and made me proud.
Learn from him!
Tell them, my son,
how did you manage
to be the only one in this line?"
The man replies,
"I don't know,
my wife told me to
stand here."
God comes and says," I want the men to form two queues
one line for the men who dominated their women,
andthe other one for the men who were dominated
by theirwomen.
Also, I want all the women to go away so
that no man and woman can talk."
Next time God comes back,
the women are gone,
andthere are two lines.
The line for the men who were
dominated by their women
is 100 miles long,
and in theline of men who dominated
their women there is only one man.
God gets mad and says,
"You men should be ashamed ofyourselves.
I created you in my image,
and you were all whipped by your mates.
Look at the only one of my sons
who stood up and made me proud.
Learn from him!
Tell them, my son,
how did you manage
to be the only one in this line?"
The man replies,
"I don't know,
my wife told me to
stand here."
9 months later...
Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob.
They loaded up Jack'sminivan and headed north.
After driving for a few hours,
they got caught in terrible blizzard.
They pulled into a nearby farm
and asked the attractive lady who
answered the door if they could spend the night.
"I realize it's terrible weather out there
and I have this huge house all to myself,
but I'm recently widowed,
" she explained. "I'm afraid the neighbors
will talk if I let you stay in my house."
"Don't worry," Jack said.
"We'll be happy to sleep in the barn.
And ifthe weather breaks,
we'll be gone at first light.
" The lady agreed,
andthe two men found their way to the barn
and settled in for the night
Come morning, the weather had cleared,
and they got on their way.
They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.
About nine months later,
Jack got an unexpected letter from an attorney.
It took him a few minutes to figure it out,
but he finally determinedthat it was from the attorney
of that attractive widow he had met on
theski weekend nine months earlier.
He dropped in on his friend Bob
and asked, "Bob, do you remember that good-looking
widow from the farm westayed at on our
ski holiday up North?"
"Yes, I do."
"Did you happen to get up i
n the middle of the night,
go up to the house
and pay her a visit?"
"Yes," Bob said,
a little embarrassed about
being found out.
"Yes, Ihave to admit that I did."
"And did you happen to use my name
instead of telling her your name?"
Bob's face turned red and he said,
"Yeah, sorry, buddy.
I'm afraid Idid.
Why do you ask?"
"She just died and left me everything."
(And you thought the ending
would be different, didn't you?)
Now keep that smile for the rest of the day!
They loaded up Jack'sminivan and headed north.
After driving for a few hours,
they got caught in terrible blizzard.
They pulled into a nearby farm
and asked the attractive lady who
answered the door if they could spend the night.
"I realize it's terrible weather out there
and I have this huge house all to myself,
but I'm recently widowed,
" she explained. "I'm afraid the neighbors
will talk if I let you stay in my house."
"Don't worry," Jack said.
"We'll be happy to sleep in the barn.
And ifthe weather breaks,
we'll be gone at first light.
" The lady agreed,
andthe two men found their way to the barn
and settled in for the night
Come morning, the weather had cleared,
and they got on their way.
They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.
About nine months later,
Jack got an unexpected letter from an attorney.
It took him a few minutes to figure it out,
but he finally determinedthat it was from the attorney
of that attractive widow he had met on
theski weekend nine months earlier.
He dropped in on his friend Bob
and asked, "Bob, do you remember that good-looking
widow from the farm westayed at on our
ski holiday up North?"
"Yes, I do."
"Did you happen to get up i
n the middle of the night,
go up to the house
and pay her a visit?"
"Yes," Bob said,
a little embarrassed about
being found out.
"Yes, Ihave to admit that I did."
"And did you happen to use my name
instead of telling her your name?"
Bob's face turned red and he said,
"Yeah, sorry, buddy.
I'm afraid Idid.
Why do you ask?"
"She just died and left me everything."
(And you thought the ending
would be different, didn't you?)
Now keep that smile for the rest of the day!
Working in Hell
Last night as I lay sleeping
I died or so it seemed
Then I went to heaven
But only in my dream Up there
St Peter met me Standing at the pearly gates
He said "I must check your record
Please stand here and wait."
He turned and said
"your record Is covered with terrible flaws
On earth I see you rallied
For every losing cause.
I see that you drank alcohol
And smoked and used drugs too
Fact is you're done everything
A good person should never do.
We can't have people like you up here
Your life was full of sin."
Then he read the last of my record
Took my hand
and said "Come in."
He lead me up to the big boss and said
"Take him in and treat him well.
He used to work in a call centre
He's done his time in hell !!
I died or so it seemed
Then I went to heaven
But only in my dream Up there
St Peter met me Standing at the pearly gates
He said "I must check your record
Please stand here and wait."
He turned and said
"your record Is covered with terrible flaws
On earth I see you rallied
For every losing cause.
I see that you drank alcohol
And smoked and used drugs too
Fact is you're done everything
A good person should never do.
We can't have people like you up here
Your life was full of sin."
Then he read the last of my record
Took my hand
and said "Come in."
He lead me up to the big boss and said
"Take him in and treat him well.
He used to work in a call centre
He's done his time in hell !!
DARES.........LOL
Office Dares
Thing to keep you occupied at the office while you avoid work !
ONE-POINT DARES
1. Run one lap around the office at top speed
2. Groan out loud in the toilet cubicle (at least one other 'non-player' must be in the toilet at the time).
3. Ignore the first five people who say 'good morning' to you.
4. Phone someone in the office you barely know, leave your name and say, Just called to say I can't talk right now. Bye."
5. To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your head.
6. When someone hands you a piece of paper, finger it, and whisper huskily, Mmmmmmm, that feels soooooo good!"
7. Walk sideways to the photocopier.
8. While riding in a lift, gasp dramatically every time the doors open.
THREE-POINTS DARES
1. Say to your boss, "I like your style" and shoot him with double-barrelled fingers.
2. Babble incoherently at a fellow employee then ask, "Did you get all that, I don't want to have to repeat it".
3. Page yourself over the intercom (do not disguise your voice).
4. Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from the nozzle (there must be a 'non-player' within sight).
5. Shout random numbers while someone is counting.
FIVE POINT DARES
1. At the end of a meeting, suggest that, for once, it would be nice to conclude with the singing of the national anthem - (extra points if you actually launch into it yourself).
2. Walk into a very busy person's office and while they watch you with growing irritation, turn the light switch on/off 10 times.
3. For an hour, refer to everyone you speak to as "Bob".
4. Announce to everyone in a meeting that you "really have to go do a number two".
5. After every sentence, say 'mon' in a really bad Jamaican accent. As in "the report's on your desk, mon". Keep this up for one hour.
6. While an office mate is out, move their chair into the lift.
7. In a meeting or crowded situation, slap your forehead repeatedly and mutter, "Shut up, damn it, all of you just shut up!"
8. At lunchtime, get down on your knees and announce, "As God is my witness, I'll never go hungry again."
9. In a colleague's diary, write in 10am: "See how I look in tights".
10. Carry your keyboard over to your colleague and ask "You wanna trade?"
11. Repeat the following conversation 10 times to the same person:
Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now".
12. Come to work in army fatigues and when asked why, say,
"I can't talk about it".
13. Posing as a maitred', call a colleague and tell him he's won a lunch for four at a local restaurant. Let him go.
14. Speak with an accent (French, German, Porky Pig, etc) during a very important conference call.
15. Find the vacuum and start vacuuming around your desk.
16. Hang a two-foot long piece of toilet roll from the back of your pants and act genuinely surprised when someone points it out.
17. Present meeting attendees with a cup of coffee and biscuit, smash each biscuit with your fist.
18. During the course of a meeting, slowly edge your chair towards the door.
19. Arrange toy figures on the table to represent each meeting attendee, move them according to the movements of their real-life counterparts.
And if that wasn't enough for you - here are some examples of insane acts you can use anywhere...
1. At lunchtime, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hairdryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
2. Tell your children over dinner. "Due to the economy,
we are going to have to let one of you go."
3. Every time someone asks you to do something,
ask if they want fries with that.
4. Put your rubbish bin on your desk and label it "IN."
5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over his or her caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
6. Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy."
7. Don't use any punctuation
8. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
9. Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.
10. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
11. Sing along at the opera.
12. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
13. Put mosquito netting around your work area.
Play a tape of jungle sounds all day.
14. Five days in advance, tell your friends you
can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.
16. Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard.
17. When the money comes out of the ATM, scream
"I Won! I Won! 3rd time this week!!!"
18. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot yelling,
Run for your lives, they're loose!"
And the final way to keep a healthy level of insanity...
Send this to everyone in your address book,
even if they sent it to you or
have asked you not to send them stuff like this,
I dare you!
Thing to keep you occupied at the office while you avoid work !
ONE-POINT DARES
1. Run one lap around the office at top speed
2. Groan out loud in the toilet cubicle (at least one other 'non-player' must be in the toilet at the time).
3. Ignore the first five people who say 'good morning' to you.
4. Phone someone in the office you barely know, leave your name and say, Just called to say I can't talk right now. Bye."
5. To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your head.
6. When someone hands you a piece of paper, finger it, and whisper huskily, Mmmmmmm, that feels soooooo good!"
7. Walk sideways to the photocopier.
8. While riding in a lift, gasp dramatically every time the doors open.
THREE-POINTS DARES
1. Say to your boss, "I like your style" and shoot him with double-barrelled fingers.
2. Babble incoherently at a fellow employee then ask, "Did you get all that, I don't want to have to repeat it".
3. Page yourself over the intercom (do not disguise your voice).
4. Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from the nozzle (there must be a 'non-player' within sight).
5. Shout random numbers while someone is counting.
FIVE POINT DARES
1. At the end of a meeting, suggest that, for once, it would be nice to conclude with the singing of the national anthem - (extra points if you actually launch into it yourself).
2. Walk into a very busy person's office and while they watch you with growing irritation, turn the light switch on/off 10 times.
3. For an hour, refer to everyone you speak to as "Bob".
4. Announce to everyone in a meeting that you "really have to go do a number two".
5. After every sentence, say 'mon' in a really bad Jamaican accent. As in "the report's on your desk, mon". Keep this up for one hour.
6. While an office mate is out, move their chair into the lift.
7. In a meeting or crowded situation, slap your forehead repeatedly and mutter, "Shut up, damn it, all of you just shut up!"
8. At lunchtime, get down on your knees and announce, "As God is my witness, I'll never go hungry again."
9. In a colleague's diary, write in 10am: "See how I look in tights".
10. Carry your keyboard over to your colleague and ask "You wanna trade?"
11. Repeat the following conversation 10 times to the same person:
Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now".
12. Come to work in army fatigues and when asked why, say,
"I can't talk about it".
13. Posing as a maitred', call a colleague and tell him he's won a lunch for four at a local restaurant. Let him go.
14. Speak with an accent (French, German, Porky Pig, etc) during a very important conference call.
15. Find the vacuum and start vacuuming around your desk.
16. Hang a two-foot long piece of toilet roll from the back of your pants and act genuinely surprised when someone points it out.
17. Present meeting attendees with a cup of coffee and biscuit, smash each biscuit with your fist.
18. During the course of a meeting, slowly edge your chair towards the door.
19. Arrange toy figures on the table to represent each meeting attendee, move them according to the movements of their real-life counterparts.
And if that wasn't enough for you - here are some examples of insane acts you can use anywhere...
1. At lunchtime, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hairdryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
2. Tell your children over dinner. "Due to the economy,
we are going to have to let one of you go."
3. Every time someone asks you to do something,
ask if they want fries with that.
4. Put your rubbish bin on your desk and label it "IN."
5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over his or her caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
6. Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy."
7. Don't use any punctuation
8. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
9. Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.
10. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
11. Sing along at the opera.
12. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
13. Put mosquito netting around your work area.
Play a tape of jungle sounds all day.
14. Five days in advance, tell your friends you
can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.
16. Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard.
17. When the money comes out of the ATM, scream
"I Won! I Won! 3rd time this week!!!"
18. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot yelling,
Run for your lives, they're loose!"
And the final way to keep a healthy level of insanity...
Send this to everyone in your address book,
even if they sent it to you or
have asked you not to send them stuff like this,
I dare you!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)