I've been sitting around this life for years,Not enough laughs and too many tears.Trying to figure out where it all went,These wasted years that I have spent.Searching for something to go beyond,Life's a stone skipping across a pond.At the last skip, it hits with a splash,Down the stone sinks, gone in a flash.Pushing and pulling, it's tearing apart,Poking and prodding an underused heart.This dark velvet curtain that hides my soul,Living this life has taken it's toll.In a flash of bright light, the curtain is torn,Tumbling down all tattered and worn.Revealing new life, a child within,Born free of hate, of suffering and sin.Now my eyes see what has never been told,Striving forth happy, confident and bold.Into a world that's unfamiliar but friendly,Into this new life my spirit will send me.Living and laughing, loving it all,I stood myself up and answered the call.The darkness has gone, replaced by the light,I gave up the darkness with hardly a fight.I've been sitting around this life for years,With laughter aplenty and hardly a tear.Now I can see just where it all went,Cherish every moment of this new life I've spent.
Jack and Max are walking from religious service. Jack wonders whether it would be all right to smoke while praying.
Max replies, "Why don't you ask the Priest?"
So Jack goes up to the Priest and asks, "Priest, may I smoke while I pray?"
But the Priest says, "No, my son, you may not. That's utter disrespect to our religion."
Jack goes back to his friend and tells him what the good Priest told him.
Max says, "I'm not surprised. You asked the wrong question. Let me try."
And so Max goes up to the Priest and asks, "Priest, may I pray while I smoke?"
To which the Priest eagerly replies, "By all means, my son. Moral: The reply you get depends on the question you ask.
For Example: Can I work on this project while I'm on leave?
This particular joke won an award for the best joke in a competition organized in Britain and this joke was sent by an Indian Engineer......
An MBA and an Engineer go on a camping trip, set up their tent, and fall asleep. Some hours later, the Engineer wakes his MBA friend.
"Look up at the sky and tell me what you see?"
The MBA replies, "I see millions of stars."
The Engineer asks "What does that tell you?"
The MBA ponders for a minute:
"Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.
Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximatelya quarter past three.
Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant.
Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
What does it tell you?"
.
.
.
.
.
The Engineer friend is silent for amoment, and then speaks.
"Practically...Someone has stolen our tent".
Everyone in the wedding ceremony was watching the radiant bride as her
father escorted her down the aisle to give away to groom.
They reached the altar and the waiting groom, the bride kissed her
father and placed something in his hand.
Everyone in the room was wondering what was given tothe father by bride.
The father could feel the suspense in the air and all eyes were on him
to divulge the secret and say something.So he announced "Ladies and Gentlemen today is the luckiest day of my life."
Then he raises his hands with what his daughter gave him and continued,
"My daughter
.
.
.
.
.
. finally returned my credit card to me."
The whole audience including priest started laughing except the poor groom.
Tumko dekha....tumko dekha...
Tumko dekha....to yeh khayal aaya
paaglon ke stock mein naya maal aaya!
=====================================
Idhar khuda hai, udar khuda hai,
jidar dekho udar khuda hai,
idhar-udhar bus khuda hi khuda hai
jidhar nahi khuda hai....udhar kal khudega!
======================================
The night is dark, the moon is high,
I stop my car, u ask why?
I come close to u, u feel shy, I tell u those three magical words....
Hye La, Puncture!!!
======================================
Tumsa koi dusara jameen par hua
to rab se shikayat hogi....
Ek to jehlla nahi jata
doosra aa gaya to kya halat hogi!!!
======================================
Koi pathar se na maare mere dewaane ko........
koi pathar se na maare mere dewaane ko........
koi pathar se na maare mere dewaane ko........
abe aage bhi to bol...............
nuclear power ka jamaana hai, bomb se udaa do saale ko...................
======================================
tuhaar chehraa moti samaan ..
tuhaar chehraa moti samaan...
moti hamaar kutte ka naam!!
===========================================================
Durakht ke paymane pe chilman E husn ka furkat se sharmana...
Durakht ke paymane pe chilman E husn ka furkat se sharmana...
Ye line samajh me aaye to mujhe zaroor batana!!
===========================================================
tere dar pe sanam hazar baar aayenge,
tere dar pe sanam hazar baar aayenge.....
ghanti bajayenge aur bhaag jayenge !!
===========================================================
Jis waqt khuda ne tumhe banaya hoga, ek saroor sa uske
dil pe chaya hoga...pehle socha hoga tujhe jannat mein
rakh lun..phir usse zoo ka khayal aaya hoga!!!
===========================================================
Mere marne ke baad mere doston,
yu aansoo na bahana,
Agar meri yaad aaye to,
sidhe upar chale aana!!
===========================================================
Kyon apni kabar khud-hi khod raha hai Galib...
Kyon apni kabar khud-hi khod raha hai Galib...
La, phawda mujhe de!!
===========================================================
Tumko dekha to ek khyal aaya
Tumko dekha to ek khyal aaya
Tumhari saheli ko dekha to doosra khayal aaya!!
===========================================================
Na woh inkaar karti hai
Na woh ikraar karti hai
KAMBAKHT mere hi sapno mein aakar
Mere dost se pyaar karti hai.
===========================================================
Jab Jab gire Baadal, Teri Yaad aayi
Jhoom ke barsa Saawan, Teri Yaad aayi
Bheega main,lekin phir bhi teri Yaad aayi
Kyon na aaye teri yaad? Tune jo chatri ab tak nahi lautai...
===========================================================
Bolaa dukaan-daar, ke kyaa chahiye tumhain
Jo bhii kaho ge merii dukaan per wo paoge
maine kahaa ke kutte ke khaane kaa cake hai
bolaa yahiin pe khaaoge yaa leke jaaoge!!!!:?
===========================================================
Unki gali ke chakkar kaat kaat kar,
Kutte bhi hamare yaar ho gaye,
Wo to hamare ho na sake,
Hum kutton ke sardar ho gaye...
===========================================================
haseen tum ho to bure hum bi nahi,
mahlon mein tum ho to sadak par hum bhi nahi,
pyar karke kehte ho shaadi shuda ho,
kaan kholkar sunlo. kunware hum bhi nahi.
===========================================================
Macchar ne jo kata... dil main mere junoon tha.
Khujli hui itni... dil be-sukoon tha.
Pakada to chod diya yeh soch kar ki....
sale ki ragon main apna hi khoon tha!
==========================================================
Aaj didar, kal yaar, parso pyar, phir ekrar, aur phir-intezaar,
phir-takrar,phir-darar, saari mehnat-bekar, aur akhir mein-Ek aur
devdas at beer bar!
Once a Hindu, Muslim and our dear Santa Singh are standing when a Britishercomes and asks"Hey guys what are your favorite flowers?"Hindu: "Lotus"Britisher: "Ha I clean my shit with that!"Hindu is surprised and angry as lotus being our national flower.Muslim: "Chameli"Britisher: "Ha I clean my shit with that!"Muslim also surprised and angry.Britisher: "sardarji, what is your favorite flower?"Patriotic Santa: "CACTUS! ab kar le saaf!
Long ago, a clever mathematician used to cheat people. Once he borrowed Rs.4000/- from a rich man. After a few days, he borrowed Rs.2000/-from the same man. Many days passed, the mathematician did not return themoney to the rich man. The rich man went to the mathematician and asked to return the money. But to his great surprise, the mathematician replied that there is no need to pay the debt. "See here, friend" said the mathematician" the sum of 4000 and 2000 is equal to zero, so I do not have any balance to pay". The rich man took the matter to the court. When the judge came to know this, he was astonished. He asked the mathematician to prove that sum of 4000 and 2000 is zero, and not 6000. The Clever mathematician agreed. He said: let a = 4000, b = 2000 and c = 6000 a + b = c Multiply both sides by a + b (a + b) (a + b) = c (a + b) a X a + ab + ba + b X b = ca + cb a X a + ab - ca = cb - b X b - ba a( a + b -c) = -b(a + b - c) so a = - b so a + b = 0 Hence by putting the values of "a" and "b" as 4000 and2000 respectively, their sum is zero, so themathematician saw no need to pay any money to the richman. The above calculation has no doubt surprised you as it did the judge.
I once had a friend who grew to be very close to me. Once when we were sitting at the edge of a swimming pool, she filled the palm of her hand with some water and held it before me, and said this:"You see this water carefully contained on my hand? It symbolizes Love."This was how I saw it: As long as you keep your hand caringly open and allow it to remain there, it will always be there.However, if you attempt to close your fingers round it and try to posses it, it will spill through the first cracks it finds.This is the greatest mistake that people do when they meet love...they try to posses it, they demand, they expect... and just like the water spilling out of your hand, love will retrieve from you . For love is meant to be free, you cannot change its nature. If there are people you love, allow them to be free beings.Give and don't expect.Advise, but don't order.Ask, but never demand.It might sound simple, but it is a lesson that may take a lifetime to truly practice. It is the secret to true love. To truly practice it, you must sincerely feel no expectations from those who you love, and yet an unconditional caring."Passing thought... Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take; but by the moments that take our breath away.....Life is beautiful!!! Live it !!!
The husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies.
So, he said to his new wife, "Honey, I'll be right back."
"Where are you going, coochy cooh?" asked the wife.
"I'm going to the bar, pretty face. I'm going to have a beer."
The wife said, "You want a beer, my love?" She opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer, brands from 12 different countries: Germany, Holland, Japan, India, etc.
The husband didn't know what to do, and the only thing that he could think of saying was, "Yes, lolly pop...but at the bar...you know...they have frozen glasses..."
He didn't get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him by saying, "You want a frozen glass, puppy face?"
She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it.
The husband, looking a bit pale, said, "Yes, tootsie roll, but at the bar they have those hors d'oeuvres that are really delicious... I won't be long, I'll be right back. I promise. OK?"
"You want hors d'oeuvres, poochi pooh?" She opened the oven and took out 5 dishes of different hors d'oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in blankets, mushroom caps, pork strips, etc.
"But my sweet honey... at the bar... you know... there's swearing, dirty words and all that..."
"You want dirty words, cutie pie?... "LISTEN UP, D***HEAD! DRINK YOUR F***IN
BEER IN YOUR DAMN FROZEN MUG AND EAT YOUR MOTHERFU***N SNACKS, BECAUSE YOU ARE MARRIED NOW, YOU AREN'T GOING ANYWHERE! GOT IT, AS**OLE?" .....
and, they lived happily ever after!
Do you sometimes feel life has become too hectic? Do you see problems around you and don't know what to do? Are you really having peace of mind?
Spare some time and read this excellent write-up and you will surely get the answers of the above questions. Chat with God
God: Hello. Did you call me?
Me: Called you? No. Who is this?
God: This is GOD. I heard your prayers. So I thought I will chat.
Me: I do pray. Just makes me feel good. I am actually busy now. I am In the midst of something.
God: What are you busy at? Ants are busy too.
Me: Don't know. But I can't find free time. Life has become hectic.
It's rush hour all the time.
God: Sure. Activity gets you busy. But productivity gets you results.
Activity consumes time. Productivity frees it.
Me: I understand. But I still cant figure out. By the way, I was not expecting YOU to buzz me on instant messaging chat.
God: Well I wanted to resolve your fight for time, by giving you some clarity.
In this net era, I wanted to reach you through the medium you are comfortable with.
Me: Tell me, why has life become complicated now?
God: Stop analyzing life. Just live it. Analysis is what makes it complicated.
Me: Why are we then constantly unhappy?
God: Your today is the tomorrow that you worried about yesterday. You are worrying because you are analyzing.
Worrying has become your habit. That's why you are not happy.
Me: But how can we not worry when there is so much uncertainty?
God: Uncertainty is inevitable, but worrying is optional.
Me: But then, there is so much pain due to uncertainty..
God: Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional.
Me: If suffering is optional, why do good people always suffer?
God: Diamond cannot be polished without friction. Gold cannot be purified without fire.
Good people go through trials, but don't suffer. With that experience their life become better not bitter.
Me: You mean to say such experience is useful?
God: Yes. Experience is a hard teacher. She gives the test first and the lessons afterwards.
Me: But still, why should we go through such tests? Why can't we be free from problems?
God: Problems are purposeful roadblocks offering beneficial lessons to enhance mental strength.
Inner strength comes from struggle and endurance, not when you are free from problems.
Me: Frankly in the midst of so many problems, we don't we know where we
are heading.
God: If you look outside you will notknow where you are heading. Look inside.
Looking outside, you dream. Looking inside, you awaken. Eyes provide sight. Heart provides insight.
Me: Sometimes not succeeding fast seems to hurt more than moving in the right direction. What should I do?
God: Success is a measure decided by others. Satisfaction is a measure decided by you.
You work with the compass. Let others work with the clock.
Me: In tough times, how do I stay motivated?
God: Always look at how far you have come rather than how far you have to go.
Always count your blessing, not what you are missing.
God: When they suffer they ask, "why me?" When they prosper, they never ask "Why me".
Everyone wishes to have truth on their side, but few want to be on the side of the truth.
Me: Sometimes I ask, who I am, why am I here. I can't get an answer.
God: Seek not to find who you are, but to determine who you want to be. Stop looking for a purpose as to why you are here. Create it. Life is not a process of discovery but a process of creation.
Me: How can I get the best out of life?
God: Face your past without regret. Handle your present with confidence. Prepare for the future without fear.
Me: One last question. Sometimes I feel my prayers are not answered.
God: There are no unanswered prayers. At times the answer is NO.
Me: Thank you for this wonderful chat.
God: Well. Keep the faith and drop the fear. Don't believe your doubts and don't doubt your beliefs.
Life is a mystery to solve not a problem to resolve. Trust me. Life is wonderful if you know how to live.
Yours Ever,
Life
A fierce gust of wind blew 45-year-old Vittorio Luise's car into a river near Naples, Italy in 1983. He managed to break out a window, climb out, and swim to shore-where a tree blew over and killed him.
~~~Bad-Day~~~
Mike Stewart, 31, of Dallas was filming a public service movie in 1983 on "The Dangers of Low-Level Bridges" when the truck he was standing on passed under a low-level bridge-killing him.
~~~Bad-Day~~~
Walter Hallas, a 26-year-old store clerk in Leeds, England was so afraid of dentists that in 1979 he asked a fellow worker to try to cure his toothache by punching him in the jaw. The punch caused Hallas to fall down, hitting his head, and he died of a fractured skull.
~~~Bad-Day~~~
George Schwartz, owner of a factory in Providence, R.I. narrowly escaped death when a 1983 blast flattened his factory except for one wall. After treatment for minor injuries, he returned to the scene to search for his files. The remaining wall then collapsed on him, killing him instantly.
~~~Bad-Day~~~
Depressed since he couldn't find a job, 42-year-old Romolo Ribolla sat in his kitchen near Pisa, Italy with a gun in his hand, threatening to kill himself in 1981. His wife pleaded for him not to do it, and after about an hour, he burst into tears and threw the gun to the floor. It went off and killed his wife.
~~~Bad-Day~~~
In 1983, a Mrs. Carson of Lake Kushaqua, N.Y. was laid out in her coffin, presumed dead of heart disease. As mourners watched, she suddenly sat up. Her daughter dropped dead of fright.
~~~Bad-Day~~~
A man hit by a car in New York City in 1977 got up uninjured, but laid back down in front of the car when a bystander told him to pretend he was hurt so he could collect insurance money. The car then rolled forward and crushed him to death.
~~~Bad-Day~~~
Suprised while burgling a house in Antwerp, Belgium, a thief fled out the back door, clambered over a nine-foot wall, dropped down, and found himself in the city prison.
~~~Bad-Day~~~
Two German motorists had an all-too-literal head-on collision in heavy fog near the small town of Guetersloh. Each was guiding his car at a snail's pace from opposite directions but both near the middle of the road. At the moment of impact, their heads were both out of the widows where they smacked together. Both men were hospitalized with severe head injuries. Their cars weren't scratched.
~~~Bad-Day~~~
In a case of "one thing leading to another", seven men, aged 18-27 years, received jail sentences of 3-4 years each in Kingston-On-Thames, England in 1979, after a fight that started when one of the men threw a french fry at another while they stood waiting for a train.
~~~Bad-Day~~~
Hitting on the novel idea that he could end his wife's incessant nagging by giving her a good scare, Hungarian Jake Fen built an elaborate harness to make it look as if he had hanged himself. When his wife came home and saw him, she fainted. Hearing a disturbance, a neighbor came over and, finding what she thought were two corpses, seized the opportunity to loot the place. As she was leaving the room, her arms laden, the outraged and suspended Mr. Fen kicked her stoutly in the backside. This so suprised the lady that she dropped dead of a heart attack. Happily, Mr. Fen was acquitted of manslaughter, and he and his wife were reconciled.
A very distinguished lady was ona plane arriving from Switzerland.
She found herself seated next to a nice priest whom she asked: Excuse me Father, could I ask a favor?"
"Of course my child, What can I do for you?" Here is the problem, I bought myself a new sophisticated hair remover
gadget for which I paid an enormous sum of money. I have really goneover the declaration limits and I am worried that they will confiscate it at customs. Do you think you couldhide it under your cassock?"
Of course I could, my child, but you must realize that I can not lie."You have such an honest face Father,I am sure they will not ask you any questions", and she gave him the 'hair remover'.
The aircraft arrived at its destination. When the priest presented
himself to customs he was asked,"Father, do you have anything to declare?"
From the top of my head to my sash, I have nothing to declare, my son", he replied.
Finding this reply strange, the customs officer asked "And from the sash down, what do you have?"
The priest replied, "I have there a marvelous little instrument destined for use by women, but which has never been used."
Breaking out in laughter, the customs officer said, "Go ahead Father. Next...!"
True Laughter is Nothing But Heartfelt Prayer When you begin your day in laughter and love, your life gets divinely enlivened. True prayer is laughing in the morning both from outside and from deep inside. Laughter comes from the centre of our Being, from the core of our heart. Our belly is so full of laughter that the laughter permeates every cell in our body. True laughter is true prayer. When you laugh, the whole of nature laughs with you. It echoes and resounds and makes life worthwhile. When things go all right, everybody can laugh, but when everything falls apart, and yet you laugh, that is evolution and growth. Nothing in life is more worthy than your laughter. Never lose it. Events come and go. Some are pleasant, and others, unpleasant. There is some area deep in you that is left untouched. Hold on to what is untouched. Then you will be able to keep laughing. Sometimes you laugh just to avoid thinking or to avoid looking at yourself. But when you see and feel within that life is present and intense every moment, nothing can bother you or touch you. That laughter is authentic. You might have observed babies, six months or one year old. When they laugh, their whole body is jumping and bouncing. Every cell in the body is laughing. That is enlightenment. That laughter is innocent, pure, without inhibitions. Opinions are the impressions we make on our minds. If we have one experience repeated four or five times, then, for the rest of our lives we tend to see life through those same experiences. We have not learnt how to retain that innocence so that our minds are not imprinted with definite opinions. We need to be able to see things as they are. When life’s essence blooms from within, there is true laughter akin to godliness. Godliness is a feeling of belonging. We all belong to one another. Laughter opens us up, opens the heart. And anytime we don’t feel up to that innocence, what do we do? “I feel tense, I don’t feel that innocent or free. What do I do?” You can attend to several layers of your own existence. First, the body. See if you have rested, eaten, and had some exercise. Then attend to the breath. Breath has its own rhythm. Every mood of the mind has a definite rhythm in the breath. By attending to the rhythm in the breath, mind and body can be elevated. Then look at the concepts and opinions that hover in the mind. Good, bad, right, wrong, should do, shouldn’t do, all these could bind you. Observe the thoughts. And then observe the feelings. Every thought is associated with some sensation, some feeling.Observe the sensation and feeling in the body. Observe the rhythm in emotions. We commit the same old mistakes. I never say, “Don’t make mistakes”. I say, “Make at least some new mistakes”. The pattern, the rhythm in emotion is the same; situations are different. It is like hanging the same coat on different hooks. You have the same pattern of emotions but you hang it on different causes, people, circumstances, situations. The peak of any emotion will lead you ultimately to yourself — to your centre — by helping you take off to space.
One rainy afternoon I was driving along oneof the main streets of town, taking those extraprecautions necessary when the roads are wet and slick. Suddenly, my daughter, Aspen, spoke up from her relaxed position in her seat.
"Dad, I'm thinking of something."
This announcement usually meant she had been pondering some fact for a while, and was now readyto expound all that her six-year-old mind had discovered. I was eager to hear.
"What are you thinking?" I asked.
"The rain" she began, "is like sin, and the windshield wipers are like God wiping our sins away."
After the chill bumps raced up my arms I was able to respond.
"That's really good, Aspen."
Then my curiosity broke in. How far would this little girl take this revelation?
So I asked... "Do you notice how the rain
keeps on coming? What does that tell you?"
Aspen didn't hesitate one moment with her answer:
"We keep on sinning, and God just keeps on forgiving us."
I will always remember this whenever I turn my wipers on...
Born free taxed to death In a country of free speech, why are there phone bills?When everything comes in your way you're in the wrong laneIf you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you'll have trouble putting on your pants Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinkingLife is unsure; always eat your dessertfirst Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce Work is fine if it doesn't take too much of your timeIt's not hard to meet expenses - they are everywhereI love being a writer.... what I can't stand is thepaperworkA printer consists of 3 main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red lightThe hardest part of skating is the ice If you tell a man there are 300 billion stars in theuniverse, he'llbelieve you. But if you tell him a park bench has justbeen painted, he has to touch it to be sure If you cannot change your mind, are you sure you haveone ?Beat the 6 O'clock rush. Leave work at noon !I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your hornlouder
"Didn't that bother you?" I asked my friend once we were seated in the restaurant. His reply amazed me. "I never let anyone provoke me for things I can'tchange,” he said quietly.His answer was food for thought that was much more nourishing thanthe lunch we went on to share. It became clear to me that when I Iet myself fall into provocation trap, I give upcontrol over my emotions, which eventually hurts noone but me.Has someone provoked you recently?Stay out of thetrap! So, don’t let anyone provoke youfor things youcant change…because it will only hurt you… :)
WOMEN'S REVENGE
"Cash, cheque card or charge-card?" the cashier asked,
after folding up the items for the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet he noticed aremote control for a television set in her purse. "Doyou always carry your TV remote?" he asked. "No,"she replied, but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."
WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats,and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
WORDS
A husband read an article to his wife about how manywords women use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, "The reason has to be because wehave to repeat everything to men...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"
CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how youcan be so
stupid and beautiful all at the same time. The wiferesponded, "Allowme to explain. God made me beautiful so you would beattracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!
WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew
the coffee each morning. The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don'thave to wait as long to get our coffee."
The husband said, "You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job,
and I can just wait for my coffee." The wife replied, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."
Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me "
The wife fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says.......... "HEBREWS"
THE SILENT TREATMENT
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were
giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, theman realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
"Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew
she would find it. The next morning, the man woke up,
only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up." Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
A very interesting story
Martin wakes up at home with a huge hangover. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table. He sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed.
Martin looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotless, clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table. "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping. Love You!"
So he goes to the kitchen and sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Martin asks, "Son, what happened last night?"
His son says, "Well, you came home around 3 AM, drunk and delirious. Broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door." Confused, Martin asks, "So, why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me? I should expect a big quarrel with her!"
His son replies, "Oh, that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your clothes n shoes off, you said, "Lady leave me alone! I'm married!"
Moral
Self-induced hangover -- $100.00
Broken furniture -- $2,000.00
Breakfast -- $10.00
Saying The Right Thing While Drunk- PRICELESS!!
Top 10 Anti-Cancer Food Source: Consumerline by Ching M. Alano Star, The mere mention of the word makes us shrink in fear. It's like a death sentence. It's the leading cause of death in the World, overtaking heart disease. But take heart, recent statistics show a decline in the incidence of both diseases. Now, that's heartening news! And the American Cancer Society reports that half of all these cancer deaths can be preventedby adopting a healthier lifestyle (assuming you already lead a healthy one). Now, that's doubly heartening news! Opting for a healthier (and heartier) lifestyle means you should stop smoking, lose weight, exercise, and eat more antioxidant-rich fruits and vegetables, according to a recent article published in Healthy Options lifestyle newsdigest.For starters,let's get to know more about the top 10 anti-cancer foods.Take this list (and please take them often):1) Tomatoes. You probably know that tomatoes are oozing with lycopene, which helps ward off the free radicals associated with lung and digestive cancers as well as prostate, ovarian and lung cancers. Lycopene is also found in watermelon and pink grapefruit.2) Broccoli sprouts. For a veggie that's so small you can hold it with one hand, this one's got a fistful of antioxidant benefits that last for days. In the same family of cruciferous vegetables are broccoli, brussels sprouts, cauliflower, and cabbage.
Their sulforaphane and indole-3-carbinol protect against prostate, bladder, colon, pancreatic, gastric, breast, and other hormone-related cancers. Indeed, it's the ultimate baby vegetable, baby!3) Berries. Blueberries, strawberries, cherries, raspberries, cranberries,
and grapes are all berry-rich in anthocyaninsthat help repair and protect DNA.4) Soybeans. They're soy-good for your health as they've got isoflavones (like genistein) that prevent – and treat – prostate cancer.Soybeans may also reduce breast cancer risk.Soy is truly beanificial to our health!5) Tea. Tea – make that green and black –is steeped in powerful compounds that, according to countless studies, may lower the risk of several types of cancer. Care for tea?6) Pumpkin. This Halloween symbol – and Cinderella's chariot –has magical powers indeed. But not too many know that this superfood is a super-rich source of beta-carotene and alpha-carotene, two carotenoids that work hard to fight lung and ovarian cancers. Also rich in carotenoids are carrots, yams,
squash, melons, and sweet red peppers.
7) Spinach. Aye, aye, Popeye was right – spinach's a-okay.Its active antioxidant – lutein – may even help KO cancers of the liver, ovaries, colon, and prostate. Lutein is also foundin kale and other leafy greens. 8) Garlic. The allium family, to which garlic belongs, works to boost the body's antioxidant defense systems to protect against stomach, esophageal, and breast cancers. Meet the other members of the family: scallions and onions. Truly, in onion, there is strength.9) Pineapple. This pine cone-like fruit with its coveted sweet pulp contains an anti-inflammatory enzyme – bromelain – that may inhibit the growth of malignant lung and breast cancer cells.10) Apple. Yes, there's a mouthful of wisdom in the saying "An apple a day keeps the doctor away."Studies show that quercetin – a flavonoid abundant in apples –prevents the growth of prostate cancer cells. The phytochemicals in the skin of an apple inhibits the reproduction of colon cancer cells. According to the National Cancer Institute, eating an apple a day may reduce the risk of lung cancer by as much as 50 percent. Excuse me while I bite into my apple.
A cupful of warning
If you're an instant noodle lover, please read this quickly before you chow down your next bowlful or cupful: Make sure you break forat least three days after eating instant noodles before you eat your next packet because the wax coating the noodles takes at least two days for the body to clear. The wax prevents the noodles from sticking together. One story has it that one steward, after eating instant noodles almost every meal, had cancer and eventually died of it. Which is why some even refer to instant noodles as "cancer noodles."
