A man, walking along a California beach, was deep in prayer. Suddenly,
the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said
"Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you
one wish".
The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over any time I want".
The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to
reach the bottom of the Pacific ! The concrete and steel it would take!
It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is
hard for me to justify your desire for wordly things. Take a little more
time and think of something that would honour and glorify me".
The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord, I wish I
could understand my wife. I want to know how she feels inside, what she's
thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she
means when she says 'nothing's wrong' and
how can I make a woman truly happy".
The Lord said, "You want two lanes or four lanes on that bridge ?"
Tuesday, January 17, 2006
Nice Conversation :
WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?
"HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"
WIFE: "Why not - don't you like being married?"
HUSBAND: "Of course I do.
"WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?
"HUSBAND: "Okay, I'd get married again.
"WIFE: "You would? (with a hurtful look on her face).
HUSBAND: (makes audible groan).
WIFE: "Would you live in our house?
"HUSBAND: "Sure, it's a great house.
"WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?
"HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?
"WIFE: "Would you let her drive my car?
"HUSBAND: "Probably, it is almost new.
"WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?
"HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do.
"WIFE: "Would she use my golf clubs?
"HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed.
"WIFE: - - - - silence - - -
- HUSBAND: "Sh*t
"HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"
WIFE: "Why not - don't you like being married?"
HUSBAND: "Of course I do.
"WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?
"HUSBAND: "Okay, I'd get married again.
"WIFE: "You would? (with a hurtful look on her face).
HUSBAND: (makes audible groan).
WIFE: "Would you live in our house?
"HUSBAND: "Sure, it's a great house.
"WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?
"HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?
"WIFE: "Would you let her drive my car?
"HUSBAND: "Probably, it is almost new.
"WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?
"HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do.
"WIFE: "Would she use my golf clubs?
"HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed.
"WIFE: - - - - silence - - -
- HUSBAND: "Sh*t
Perspective
Different perspective:
One day a father of a very wealthy family took his son on a trip to the country with the firm purpose of showing his son how poor people live.
They spent a couple of days and nights on the farm of what would be considered a very poor family. On their return from their trip,
the father asked his son,
"How was the trip?"
"It was great, Dad."
"Did you see ho w poor people live?" the father asked.
"Oh yeah," said the son.
"So, tell me, what did you learn from the trip?" asked the father.
The son answered:
a.. " saw that we have one dog and they had four.
b.. We have a pool that reaches to the middle of our garden and they have creek that has no end .
c.. We have imported lanterns in our garden and they have the stars at night.
d.. Our patio reaches to the front yard and they have the whole horizon .
e.. We have a small piece of land to live on and they have fields that go beyond our sight .
f.. We have servants who serve us, but they serve others .
g.. We buy our food, but they grow theirs.
h.. We have walls around our property to protect us, they have friends to protect them ."
The boy's father was speechless.
Then his son added, "Thanks, Dad, for showing me how poor we are."
Isn't perspective a wonderful thing?
Makes you wonder what would happen if we all gave thanks for everything we have, instead of worrying about what we don't have.
One day a father of a very wealthy family took his son on a trip to the country with the firm purpose of showing his son how poor people live.
They spent a couple of days and nights on the farm of what would be considered a very poor family. On their return from their trip,
the father asked his son,
"How was the trip?"
"It was great, Dad."
"Did you see ho w poor people live?" the father asked.
"Oh yeah," said the son.
"So, tell me, what did you learn from the trip?" asked the father.
The son answered:
a.. " saw that we have one dog and they had four.
b.. We have a pool that reaches to the middle of our garden and they have creek that has no end .
c.. We have imported lanterns in our garden and they have the stars at night.
d.. Our patio reaches to the front yard and they have the whole horizon .
e.. We have a small piece of land to live on and they have fields that go beyond our sight .
f.. We have servants who serve us, but they serve others .
g.. We buy our food, but they grow theirs.
h.. We have walls around our property to protect us, they have friends to protect them ."
The boy's father was speechless.
Then his son added, "Thanks, Dad, for showing me how poor we are."
Isn't perspective a wonderful thing?
Makes you wonder what would happen if we all gave thanks for everything we have, instead of worrying about what we don't have.
Her Diary Vs His Diary :-)
HER DIARY
Sunday night - I thought he was acting weird. We had made plans to
meet at a cafe to have some coffee. I was shopping with my friends
all day long, so I thought he was upset
at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment.
Conversation wasn't flowing so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet
so we could talk, he agreed but he kept quiet and absent.
I asked him what was wrong - he said, "Nothing."
I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset.
He said it had nothing to do with me and not to worry.
On the way home I told him that I loved him,
he simply smiled and kept driving.
I can't explain his behavior; I don't know
why he didn't say, "I love you, too."
When we got home I felt as if I had lost him, as if he wanted nothing
to do with me anymore.
He just sat there and watched TV.; he seemed distant and absent.
Finally I decided to go to bed.
About 10 minutes later he came to bed.
I decided that I could not take it anymore, so I decided to confront
him with the situation but he had fallen asleep.
I started crying and cried until I too fell asleep.
I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that
his thoughts are with someone else.
My life is a disaster.
HIS DIARY
Today India lost. DAMN IT.....
Sunday night - I thought he was acting weird. We had made plans to
meet at a cafe to have some coffee. I was shopping with my friends
all day long, so I thought he was upset
at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment.
Conversation wasn't flowing so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet
so we could talk, he agreed but he kept quiet and absent.
I asked him what was wrong - he said, "Nothing."
I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset.
He said it had nothing to do with me and not to worry.
On the way home I told him that I loved him,
he simply smiled and kept driving.
I can't explain his behavior; I don't know
why he didn't say, "I love you, too."
When we got home I felt as if I had lost him, as if he wanted nothing
to do with me anymore.
He just sat there and watched TV.; he seemed distant and absent.
Finally I decided to go to bed.
About 10 minutes later he came to bed.
I decided that I could not take it anymore, so I decided to confront
him with the situation but he had fallen asleep.
I started crying and cried until I too fell asleep.
I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that
his thoughts are with someone else.
My life is a disaster.
HIS DIARY
Today India lost. DAMN IT.....
B est of Dilbert "Out-Of-Office" Auto replies
B est of Dilbert "Out-Of-Office" Auto replies
1: I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to
you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared for my mood.
2: You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office.
If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.
3: Sorry to have missed you but I am at the doctors
having my brain removed so that I may be promoted to management
4: I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from vacation on 4/18. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.
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7: Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.
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10: I've run away to join a different circus
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